It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 25 - The End of Health Clubs

We see humans at sports clubs working out on silly, willy machines. At first we thought these Earthlings were gym rats. Now we realize many Earthlings go to health clubs to find mates so that they can have sex, which is even more fun exercise.

Paying $50 or $75 a month for a health club during a recession makes you a DIDIOT. When we came to planet Earth, we joined a health club too. But we soon realized you can actually get an excellent work out for free at home.

Our gym fees were a waste of money, especially when we started going less and less after our New Years health resolutions waned.

We now save money by exercising at our dwelling. We don't have all those machines at our disposal, but we've managed to look lean and fit. The exercises we do are ones you can do anywhere. We have even adopted some of those exercises to do during our sexual pleasure moments.

Here are 9 exercises any Earthling can do without spending money. All you need is your body and the Earth's gravity:

UFO Recession Tip 24 - Learn to Knit

We want to thank you, Humans. We have never knitted before because, on our planet, most everyone wears the same outfit. Knitting has helped Meera and I find our inner self of creativity. Our relationship has become closer because we have spent time together knitting instead of watching television.

Knitting allows you to be creative and save lots of money on fashion clothes. Instead of going to Needless Markup (Neiman Marcus), knit your own clothes. Take the money you would have spent at the store and use it to pay off your debt during the recession.

Throw knitting parties. We have held knitting parties with Earthlings, which have allowed us to bond with you humans

UFO Recession Tip 23 - Clip those Coupons and Use Them too

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We see a few smart humanoids using valuable scraps of paper you call coupons. Those squares of paper can be used as real money to buy things like food at your local grocery stores. Cut those coupons out and use them. If you throw them away you are only proving to us aliens that your species is an army of DIDIOTS.

We even see humans who cut out those pieces of paper, go to the store and buy the product. Then they forget to use the valuable coupon. Is that you? If so, stop acting like a Didiot.

Instructions for coupons.

1. Find coupons. Every Wednesday, grab your local newspaper and pull out the thick coupon section. Search for coupons in your mail box (yes they are sometimes mailed right to you by snail mail or e-mail). You can find coupons for groceries, beauty products, restaurants, carpet cleaning, dentists, automobiles, laser hair removal, nearly anything your Earthling brain can imagine.

2. Find a pair of scissors. Find a friend and have a coupon clipping party. Make it fun. Turn on some music. Make it an every week event.

Recession Tip 22 - Play a Low-Cost Sport

During the recession, Earthlings, think twice about what sport you want your children to play as well as yourself.

Golf is an expensive game. The equipment is costly and you have to drive to the gold course, pay the fee and then drive around in a little vehicle which doesn't cause you to sweat, which doesn't really make you lose weight or keep you fit. Forget about snow-skiing or scuba diving!

Baseball is cheaper but you still have to have a glove, and if playing on the baseball team, you have to shell out money on your uniform.

Football is cheap only if you play it in your neighborhood, but if your kids play in school, then all kinds of costs come into the picture. As a parent, you are also forced to donate money to the football team via all kinds of Didiot-ass, money raising activities where they force you to purchase things you do not want.