We see humans at sports clubs working out on silly, willy machines. At first we thought these Earthlings were gym rats. Now we realize many Earthlings go to health clubs to find mates so that they can have sex, which is even more fun exercise.
Paying $50 or $75 a month for a health club during a recession makes you a DIDIOT. When we came to planet Earth, we joined a health club too. But we soon realized you can actually get an excellent work out for free at home.
Our gym fees were a waste of money, especially when we started going less and less after our New Years health resolutions waned.
We now save money by exercising at our dwelling. We don't have all those machines at our disposal, but we've managed to look lean and fit. The exercises we do are ones you can do anywhere. We have even adopted some of those exercises to do during our sexual pleasure moments.
Here are 9 exercises any Earthling can do without spending money. All you need is your body and the Earth's gravity:
1. PUSH UPS: Start
slow. Do not try to over do it. You can do ten push ups at a time. Do
not do more than 20 to 30 on the first day because Humans will feel
sore the next day. You can also apply push up exercises during making
love. We have tried it. It works.
2. ABDOMINAL CRUNCHES : Start slow. You can do ten crunches at a time. Do not do more than 20 to 30 on the first day because you will feel sore the next day. Make sure that when you are doing it, that your back is flat to the floor otherwise you will have protruding bellies like ours. We find protruding bellies attractive on our planet.
3. SIX INCHES: Start slow. Lie
flat. Press your lower back to the floor. Now keeping legs straight as
a laser beam, raise your feet six inches above the ground. Hold 15
seconds, later for 30 seconds and build up to 60 seconds. Later, when
you build up, hold a soccer ball between the ankles and repeat the
process.
4. CALF RAISES: If you want to have beautiful calves like ours, stand with your spine against the wall and raise your body on your toes 10 to 20 at a time. Do not over do it.
5. AB TWISTS: Grab a soccer ball, orb or something that weighs 5 to 10 pounds. Hold it in front of you stomach and twist your body to the left and then all the way to the right. Keep going back and forth for a while. Reduce and transform your love handles into six packs. If you are like many Earthlings and have a weak lower back, you should skip this exercise.
6. JUMP ROPE.
We understand that Earthlings jump rope when they are young. Jump rope
when you are older for all-over toning and aerobic activity. You can
buy a jump rope for about $10 to $20.
7. LUNGES. Get your human thighs and butt in shape. We aliens are born with thin thighs. Sorry. However we have seen this exercise work effectively on humans. Stand upright. Step one foot one large forward and lower your entire body so your back knee nearly touches down to the Earth's surface. Keep your knees at 90 degree angles. Don't let your front knee go out past your front foot or you may strain your weak humanoid knees. Stand up. Alternate legs. Do 10 lunges on each leg.
8. YOGA.
Yoga looks easy, but it will kick your Earthling ass. I tried it and
got my stretchy limbs in a tangle, humans should not have that problem.
Yoga works out the entire body and reduces the stress caused by the
recession.
9. WALK or RUN. Earthlings, please do not forget the obvious. Walking and Running is cheapest form of exercise. If you do not have good shoes, we recommend you run on green grass, making you green like us.
Do not be a Didiot. Do
not waste money on health club dues during a recession. Our
observations have shown us that the big reason humans exercise is to
look good, so that they can find other Earthlings to have sex.
Be green like us, save gas by exercising at hour home rather than driving to an expensive health club.
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Posted by: Jeremy Eckdahl | April 17, 2008 at 10:17 PM