It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 60 - Go Vegetarian

Earthlings, you are such carnivores. It is disgusting to us aliens.

Recession is a perfect opportunity for you to become healthy and green by becoming more of a vegetarian. Meat will be more expensive during tough times. We understand some of you Earthlings will sneak off and be a carnivore once in a while, but try to resist. For your wallet as well as your health, eat less meat and more fruit, grains and especially vegetables.

TURN TO THE GREEN SIDE! Raw veggies and fruit are most healthful and most green.

Eating raw cuts down on your energy bills, because you aren’t cooking. It cuts down on your grocery bill, because there are no other ingredients necessary.

Eat local to be the most eco-friendly. Even better, eat from your own garden (See Recession Tip #14 Plant a Garden). Growing your own veggies and fruits is the most rewarding, cheapest, safest and most green. If you grow your own, you will be certain your food is organically grown.

UFO Recession Tip 59 - Save Water, Shower Together

Earthling, we do not understand why you do not shower with your mate more often. H20 is a precious commodity. Nothing can survive without it. Some places on Earth do not have much water; while some Earthlings take large baths, living it large. Wasting water is foolish. Please do not let us catch you doing this at night or we will abduct you.

If you must take shower, please arrange to do it with your mate. You will kill two birds with one stone: Save water and have sex. The only danger to this idea is that must restrain yourself from taking too many showers just so that you have sex in water.

If you do not have a mate then please do not have sex with yourself because that wastes more water. Make sure you take the shower quickly and efficiently. No rubber duckies for play either.

Earthling, you could also make this as part of your green date by turning off the lights during your shower experience (see UFO Recession Tip # 50: Turn Off Light and Have Fun). We have given you some great free ideas here without expectation of being paid as an energy auditor or sex therapist.

Save water, have sex, be romantic, and you will be green like us.

UFO Recession Tip 58 - Skip the Online Porn

Earthling, we do not understand what the big fuss is about Internet porn. We understand that Earthlings have rules and regulations about age limit. This is understandable. What we do not understand is why Earthlings spend their hard-earned dollars on subscriptions to porn web sites.

Stop all porn subscriptions in order to survive during recession. Many porn sites offer plenty of Earthling pictures and videos for free (ONLY IF YOU ARE 18 OR OLDER) so there is no need to pay.

Yes, we know that you cannot get a free viewing of Paris Hilton in her porn-like escapades but so what? There are plenty of other beautiful Earthlings you can view for free if you absolutely must do it.

UFO Recession Tip 57 - Read Books for Free at the Library

Earthlings, during economic recession, libraries are a good getaway for enjoyment and information. The only negative is if you must drive to the library because the gas is so expensive. We hope you are smart enough to walk there or ride a bike. If not, then once you get there, read as much as you can.

One of the wonderful things about libraries is that you can read in a relatively quiet atmosphere. You do not have to worry about disrespectful Earthling teenagers causing noise pollution like they do if you went into a theater (which costs money). And you will not be guilt-tripped in buying a $5 cappuccino plus tip, as at your local Starbucks.

Libraries have a plethora of information for your perusal. You can even surf the Earthling digital highway for free (unlike you local Starbucks) but make sure you are not visiting porn sites. We made that mistake once