Earthlings, we do not understand why you do not use a simple technology invented thousands of years ago to cool yourself and reduce your monthly electricity bills. Fanning has been part of royalty, queens and kings since the dawn of humans inventing the "kingdom" concept in order to control others.
After studying your Earthly history, we are befuddled how someone
became a king or queen. We found no evidence that human DNA from queens
or kings has any special 'kingdom genes." We have found no evidence that any present-day Earthlings posses queen or king genes.
We did find that some smart-alec homo Sapien decided to
call himself king. Other Earthlings volunteered to be the servants and cooled him with large fans, keeping a
breeze in front of their king 24/7. We found the phrase, "It's good to be the
king," quite applicable with the luxury of having servants providing the
"cooling effect."
Earthlings, you have electric fans, battery powered fans and hand fans available to you. There is no reason to keep the air conditioning low when you can keep it at 72 degrees and enjoy fanning yourself. Imagine
you are a king or queen.
Make fanning a game with
your mate. She could fan your fanny for a while and then you can fan
her fanny. Play a "strip fan" poker game where the loser fans the winner while taking a piece of
clothing off.
Make your own fan. Any broad, flat surface you wave back and forth will work as a fan. You do not have to spend money on a fancy fan with feathers or cute pictures of flowers.
Earthlings, the fan is the limit to what you can do with it, especially battery powered fans. Be careful not to have blades get in your way. We do not want to be liable for any unfortunate accidents.
Hand-held Fans in Earth's history:
Leaf fans. The Earliest fans were in Egypt and ancient Assyria. They looked like or actually were palm leafs. Aztecs and Mayans used bird feathers in their fans. Romans used gilded and painted wooden fans. Roman ladies used circular fans. Chinese decorated their fans with mythical and historical pictures.
Jeweled fans. The fan disappeared in Europe during the middle ages, until Chinese folding fans were imported in the 1600s. These fans are shown in painted portraits of high-born ladies, including Queen Elizabeth 1st of England. Her fans were decorated with gold and jewels.
New-fangled fans. During the 18th century fans reached a new level of artistry, made of leaves or sticks. Folded fans were made of lace, silk or parchment and painted by artists. Mechanical fans and wind-up fans (similar to wind-up clocks) became popular.
The language of the fan.
In the courts of England and Spain fans were used in a secret code of
messages. This was necessary due to the strict moral code of the day
and the need for privacy. From what we understand, if you wanted to
have sex with a mate, you had a specific way of fanning the message. We
can not show how on this site.
Fan Dancing. A
mating dance of humans where the female dances nude or nearly nude,
covering her body with enormous feather fans in an elaborate game of
"Peek-a-boo." The most popular was an Earthling named Sally Rand who
danced in the 1930s. She continued her fan dancing until she was in her
70s. Thank the stars we were not lucky to see her dance in her 70s.
Get out your fan and have fun being King, Queen or pretending to be Sally Rand during the recession.
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Posted by: Fool | April 20, 2008 at 06:43 PM
A fine tip for saving money. However in the UK it is like an ice age some days and fans would not help - what do the wise green ones suggest?
Posted by: Lord Matt | April 15, 2008 at 02:25 AM