Earthlings, we are amazed at how crappy your top-selling computer software technology is, considering there is a better, more efficient alternative. We are a vastly superior species, however we cannot figure out why humans put up with sub par technology. This defies logic.
We do not want to offend anyone, but we are referring to your Microsoft Windows operating system versus Apple OSX. We have tried both.
Why is Windows called Windows? We assume because windows has to be cleaned often
and that is truly the case with Windows. Updates, bugs and viruses - it was frightening! Earthlings, we have crossed all kinds of galaxies, but have never seen such an inferior software system as Windows.
Conspirators say Bill Gates, ruler of Microsoft, must be an alien. They point to his accumulation of so many Earthling dollars as proof. This is blasphemy. No alien would create such an unreliable, inferior, copy cat, slow, buggy, hacker heaven, operating system. He should be banned from your planet for making Earthlings go through hell using his Windows product.
Windows is a time waster. Windows has a much slower performance than Apple. We tried to fix the problem by cleaning windows with Windex, but it didn't work. Nothing worked. We wasted so much time twiddling our green fingers, waiting for Windows to start up and power down.
"Waiting for windows to startup was a waste of my precious time on this beautiful planet" - Meera Brauk
Apple is delightful. We first tried to take a bite out of it, but it just didn't taste right. Then we pressed the 'on' button. We were amazed at the speed the Apple computer loaded up.
We took one look at the intelligent and fun design of the Apple interface and realized Earthlings may have a chance at becoming a superior race like us. Steve Jobs, the ruler of Apple, is proof there are many more intelligent Earthlings than just Al Gore. We confirm. You are not all Didiots!
Mac Air Book is worthy of worship by your planet. 
Now only will this thing save you time and money, you can be green like us with these eco-friendly feature: Recyclable Aluminum Case - LCD Display that is Mercury Free with Arsenic-Free Glass - BFR- and PVC-Free Circuit Boards - EPEAT silver rating - Used Half the Packaging of the MacBook - Consumes Less Power, with a 5+ HOUR BATTERY LIFE!
Earthlings, save time and money during this economic recession by using Apple. The system is more reliable, easier to use and fun, fun, fun.
I saw the Apple ads on TV with a Windows person dressed in business clothes and the Apple person in comfy jeans and a T-shirt. Obviously the Apple person is more productive than the Windows person and is wearing casual clothes because he is done with work and is now going out to meet a female Earthling to have sex. - Drauk
Windows has many more bugs than Apple. We tried to find the bugs because we love eating bugs on special occasions, but we could not find any. Now we know bugs are not insects, but it is
software terminology for Earthling software screw ups. They
will make you want to tear your own hair out of your head.
Time is money. We found some Earthling science lab tests where they time Apple against Windows. If Time is money, you are losing money by using Windows. Here are the numbers:*
WINDOWS
startup time 1 min. 13 sec
shutdown time 44.3 sec
launch Internet Explorer 6.3 sec
launch MS Word 5.2 sec
launch Adobe Photoshop 5.5 sec
stress launch Photoshop (with 8 other apps running) 40 sec
APPLE
startup time 28.8 sec
shutdown time 4 sec
launch Safari 3.3 sec
launch MS Word 4.2 sec
launch Adobe Photoshop 4 sec
stress launch Photoshop (with 6 other apps running) 21.36 sec
Apple has 7.5% of the computer market. If each person takes 1 minute
and 13 seconds, 5 day per week loading Windows (44.2 more than apple) and
44.3 second shutting down (40.3 more than Apple) then each Earthlings wastes 6.1 hours per year waiting for Windows to let you operate a computer.
1 billion people using Windows are wasting 6.1 billion hours a year. Bill Gates is not your friend. Earthlings, imagine what you could do with that extra time. Instead of sitting there being frustrated, annoyed and stressed, you could use an Apple and get that time back. You can write a book, plant a garden, exercise, have sexual pleasure (assuming you have found a mate) during those wasted minutes. I hope this logic makes sense, once and for all.
Break your Window with an Apple. You will go far in your evolution, humans, if you
do this. Trust us. We are much more superior intelligence than you. We know what is best for you.
Do not be a Didiot. Get an Apple. (Make sure you do not try to eat it.)
*May 2008 Popular Mechanics, Mac vs PC
i have a macbook and it's my best friend!
Posted by: marmelade | April 23, 2008 at 03:16 PM