Recession Tip 75 - How to Eat Out Cheaply
From our human studies and observations, we learned that humans go to restaurants to feed so they may meet other humans. Also, many humans are just plain too lazy to move their fannies
and make a meal. There seems to be some deep subconscious satisfaction in having another human serve your meal. This deep rooted need must come from the old ages where kings and queens were served and looked upon 24/7. Earthlings, no matter what you believe, your most likely do not have a family lineage from a king or queen. It is mathematically impossible for half of the planet to be descendant of royalty.
During economic recession, and considering how hard you work for that high inflation currency such as a dollar, we approve of you wanting to feel like a king or queen once per week. Go ahead, you can splurge frugally if you follow this List of 8 stellar ways to save money while eating out:
UFO Recession Tip 1: Happy hour.
During recession, don't worry, be happy. What better way to be 
happy
than during happy hour? This is my favorite restaurant tip. You can
start early and spend more time with your favorite human.
When our children are busy at soccer practice and we are exhausted from flying our saucy saucer all over the Earth dishing out frugal tips, Meera and I head for a cheap happy hour. We hang out in the lounge of a nice restaurant and enjoy an appetizer, cheap beverages and excellent service.
The best places offer free appetizers if your purchase one drink. I recommend you enjoy your one drink plus the free food, then retire to your own dwelling for more drinks and “relaxation.” Be careful that you do not drink and drive.
UFO Recession Tip 2: Eat your lunch instead of dinner.
Eating out at lunch will help you spend less. The added bonus is you
will consume fewer calories because the portions are smaller. Instead
of a $20 entrée in the evening, spend under $10 at lunch. We find you
can enjoy the same relaxing atmosphere, service and food quality. The
plates are smaller. Also, most humans do not drink at lunch so you save
even more on your bill. Drink tap water instead of $2 ice tea, and do
not purchase appetizers or desserts. Look for specials on weekends,
when it is more enjoyable due to less dense lunchtime crowds.
UFO Recession Tip 3: Make the appetizer a meal.
Appetizers are usually less expensive and less filling. If you are not
too hungry and want to save money, order an appetizer and a small
dinner salad or soup. Or split a meal with your date or mate. This will
keep your body lean and sexy. You can have dessert in the quiet comfort
of your bedroom with your honey mate.
UFO Recession Tip 4: Take home a doggy bag.
Why do humans call doggy bags 'doggy bags' if they take it home to feed
themselves instead of their dogs? We recommend calling it "Next Day"
meals. We just think calling it doggie bag if it is not going to be
offered to doggies as disrespectful to dogs all over the world. Humans,
dogs are Earthlings, too. We should be nice to dogs.
Many restaurants give you more food than one human stomach can contain. Do not waste that good food which cost you good money. Ask for a "Next Day" bag and eat the rest next day. We think eating it for dinner after you have already had it for lunch is not fair to your tummy.
We find this recession advice does not work in France. When we ask for a doggie bag in Paris the waitperson looks at us like we are crazy, although they already stare at us funny, because we have green skin.
UFO Alien Tip 5: Follow the specials, Earthling! Your primitive internet, digital, information superhighway is actually quite good for finding data on restaurant specials in a nanosecond or two. Many restaurants have their own websites and post their daily specials and coupons. Sign up for their email list and they will email offers directly to your inbox.
UFO Alien Tip 6: Eat at "all you-can-eat" restaurants. If
you are a hungry, food devouring human, all-you-can-eat restaurants are
for you. All-you-can-eat restaurants allow you to have soup, salad,
desert, bread, main courses and everything for under $20! Make sure
these restaurants do not feed you dog food. We learned that a few
restaurants got caught doing this, which, once again, was disrespectful
to your Earthling dogs.
UFO Alien Tip 7: Use dining coupons. Do not throw away those mailers or newspapers without checking for restaurant coupons if you plan to go out to eat. Some Earthlings are embarrassed about showing their coupons when the bill comes because they do not look cheap. Earthling, it's the recession, Didiot. So who cares what other humans might think?
We recommend you using coupons on dates because your date will be impressed with your frugal financial management skills. What better way to impress your date than flashing that coupon to your server right in front of her face. (If you are one of those Didiot Earthlings embarrassed to do this, just find the server on your way to restroom and have him process the coupon. The server will know they will get a decent tip for hiding your frugality on the first date.)
Searching websites for dinner coupons such as buy one entrée, get the second free will save you up to 40% on your restaurant bills. Check out Restaurant.com for specials, or use the Entertainment 08' Dining and entertainment coupon book. It encourages you to expand your horizons and try new places, at half the price.
UFO Alien Tip 8: Make your Restaurant Favorites at Home.
These 2 books are interpretation recipes of famous restaurant appetizers, desserts and main courses.
America's Most Wanted Recipes - Volume 1
America's Most Wanted Recipes - Volume 2
In order to do this successfully, make sure you or your honey mate
knows how to cook, otherwise, you
could end up cooking the meal for
your doggie, and in that instance, we approve for you to call it a
Doggie meal.
Be happy, frugal and green like me!
Awesome post, great humor, wise tips!
Posted by: Matt Urdan | May 26, 2008 at 07:37 AM