UFO Recession Tip 78 – Recession-Proof Father’s Day

Earthling, today is a special day. It is Father’s Day. The only problem is that my father, who is more than one million years old, is in a galaxy far, far away. Thanks to Bubba who shot us down in Stephenville, Texas, and damaged our intergalactic energy power booster, this Father’s Day is going to be fatherless for me.

Meera and Zorkey are preparing something special for me for Father’s Day but I warned them not to spend too much money since we need to pay back the loan to the pawn shop owner for Meera’s ring (See Recession Tip 77 - Why We Love Pawn Shops ) and blog our way to having enough cash to fix our intergalactic power booster.

Earthling, Father’s Day is not about giving your father a gift. It is about showing your appreciation to him for being your father. Due to the current economic conditions we have some suggestions.

5 Recession-Proof Tips for Father’s Day:

Tip 1: Do not give your father a greeting card. It is made of paper which was made by killing a beautiful tree? Do not be a Didiot by spending money on gas to drive to the store to buy a paper greeting card. For human’s sake, why not offer to mow your father’s yard for the entire month if he lives close to you? I do not know of any father no matter what galaxy or planet that would not appreciate this.

Tip 2: Why take your father to a fancy restaurant when you can take the entire family to the park and prepare a delicious meal for him there? If you are low on cash, have a baseball cookout. Simply play a game of baseball and eat hot dogs afterwards for lunch. If you do not like baseball but prefer futebol (soccer for American Earthlings), you could still have a hot dog cook out. There is no rule anywhere where you cannot have hot dogs and play futebol.

Tip 3: DIY for your father. If your father has some “honey do” chores he has been postponing for years and your mother keeps nagging him, then do those chores for him. This will make your father happy to the exponential because he will not have to hear your mother nag about the “honey do” chores. We do not understand where the “honey” comes in, but be careful you do not use any honey because the job could get sticky.

Tip 4: Play a game. Human, no matter how old your father has become, you can take the time to play a game with him. We do not understand humans completely but one thing we notice is that as humans grow up, they give less time to their father. If you ask your father to throw baseball, kick a futebol or shoot a basket, this might take him back to the days when you were a kid and bring back good memories of your father teaching you to play a sport. If your father is not in good health, you can play poker, bridge, chess or something fun. One of the reasons we like your film Independence Day is the fact that David always found time to play chess with his father. Giving your father your personal time is more valuable than buying him some shirt or tie that he will never wear.

Tip 5: Drink beer with your father and watch a sports game. Earthling, when was the last time you sat with your father, drank beer and watched a sports match? There are wonderful games or sports competitions you can watch on Father’s Day. Earthling, here are a few to choose from:

1. Euro 2008 – Futebol Tournament

a. ESPN CLASSIC: 2:30 EDT – UEFA Euro 2008 - Switzerland vs. Portugal

b. ESPN CLASSIC: 5:00 EDT – UEFA Euro 2008 - Turkey vs. Czech Republic

c. ESPN2: 5:00 EDT – US Men's Soccer: International Qualifier presented by United States Marine Corps - United States vs. Barbados

2. U.S. Open Golf

a. NOON - 6 p.m. PDT (3 - 9 p.m. EDT) on NBC

3. Baseball

a. ESPN: 2:00 EDT – NCAA College World Series presented on ESPN By Dick's Sporting Goods - Fresno State vs. Rice

4. Basketball

a. ABC: 9:00 EDT, NBA Finals: Game 5: Celtics at Lakers

There is no better way to bond with your father than watch sports, drink beer, talk sports, watch sports, drink beer and talk sports. If your father does not like sports, perhaps he is an alien from another galaxy.

EXTRA, RECESSION-PROOF FATHER’S DAY TIP

Tip 6: Ask your father to join Zork Planet: Intergalactic VIP Lounge where he can converse with other fathers on how to save planet from Didiot Earthlings. If he wants, he can start the "Save the Amazon" forum. Zork Planet membership is FREE and your father will appreciate the fact that you have become green, which means he taught you right.

EXTRA, EXTRA RECESSION-PROOF FATHER’S DAY TIP

Tip 7: Get off the damn computer, stop reading my information and go hug your father and spend the rest of the day with him. You never know Earthling how long your father is going to be around.

ARTICLE WRITTEN ESPECIALLY FOR EARTHLING NRA WHO LOVES BASKETBALL