Earthling, your beautiful blue planet has been struck by recession. We see humans drowning their sorrows of financial distress with increased purchases of alcoholic beverages.
When the going gets tough, well... throw a party! Parties are sure to help you feel better. A party may even help you find a new job, new love, a new get-rich-quick scheme or start a new business. YouTUBE was conceived at a party. We do not know how you conceive such a thing but we do understand a baby doctor was not required.
Money is tight right now. Getting a personal loan from the bank to throw a bash is difficult. Do not despair, human. Simply throw a bash on a budget with our favorite recession party tips. Please be green like us as you party the night away.
1. DBTK: Don't be a tree killer! Use FREE Invites.
Why send paper invitations when you can save money and trees? Do not be a Party Didiot! Use evites or invite guests through facebook, myspace or Zork Planet.
2. LCAP: Lights! Camera! Action! Party!
Do not waste dollars on new party lights when you likely have some in your closet already. Light up any party with strings of Christmas lights. Use multi-colored lights for New Year's Eve, red for any party, green for Saint Patty's Day, and white for weddings or anniversary parties.
Scan
your house and use what you already own. Humans, it is simply a matter
of re-arranging. If you are inviting old friends, rearrange the
furniture to make them think you have done so much for the party.
For
the holidays, cut Christmas tree branches from the bottom of your tree
and use them to decorate tables or other places. Use flowers from your
garden to spruce up your party surroundings. If you do not have a
garden, then you should start one for heaven's sake.
Do not go to those "Dollar Stores" to purchase cheap decorations. We have never seen so much "eco-unfriendly crap in our lives that gets thrown away after the party" in all the millions of years we have traveled the galaxy.
4. BPPF: Bubba-Proof Party Food.
If your human friends will eat like they are at a buffet, avoid hosting a dinner at all costs. Simply schedule your party for after dinner and avoid the expense (and mess). Be selective on which humans you invite. If Bubba ate the entire pig at the last party, do not invite him. If a particular human hovers over the food table all night, do not invite them. If you caught Mr. Boozer in the closet not doing hanky panky but drinking your fine bottle of wine, scratch him off your party list until the recession is safely over.
Pot Luck. Ask your human friends
to bring their favorite food to the party. You may ask them to bring
anything they wish, only desserts, Italian food, candy, or whatever you
choose. It is your party. We suggest you request this of humans who can
actually cook. This way, you also save your non-chef friends from
embarrassment.
Appetizer Party. If you do not want other humans to bring
food, then make or purchase appetizers rather than entrees to save
money. Nearly all humans will consume chips during parties. Chips may
not be the healthiest but they are cheap. Offer chips because it will
require humans to start exercising after your chip-full, cheap party.
5. PL99: Party like it's 1999.
Since we are in it, why not have a Recession theme party? Everyone
can dress and party like it's the 20s or maybe like it's 1999. Play the
Prince (formerly known as Prince, formerly known as artist, formerly
known as whatever) song Party like it's 1999 all night.
6. BYOB or BYOL.
Ask guests to "Bring Your Own Booze/Bring Your Own Beer" or "Bring Your Own Liquor."
This
may sound cheesy but during recession, nothing is cheesy when you are
watching your budget. Human, look at it this way -- at least you did
not charge them for renting space like they do at hotels. To make it
more palatable and pleasurable for all guests, in your invitation tell
them to BYOB because you will not charge them a cover fee or room rent.
This will make you look very considerate, kind, generous and benevolent
-- instead of cheesy.
7. OODP: Only One Drink Party.
The
cost of party drinks can kill you. Mix up a gargantuan batch of a
signature drink for the party, rather than offer a full bar. Mix up
Martini's and decorate them with a small candy cane for Christmas, or a
big plastic Diamond Ring for weddings. Or mix up a big batch of
Margaritas (That is Bubba's preference).
If your guests want
more alcohol (and they may due to recession), make them pay for the
extra drinks and indicate that part of the proceeds will be donated to
helping hungry children. This way, you look generous and considerate
rather than cheap.
Another way to limit drinks is to act seriously considerate about
your guests. Post "Drink and Drive Responsibly" posters on the walls.
This will make you more human and less a cheapskate.
8. BYOK: Bring Your Own Kids.
Allow
guests to bring their young offspring to the party so they do not have
to pay for a babysitter. Offer spiked Kool-Aid to parents. With all the
running around by the kids during the party, we are sure they will need
it. Besides, spiked Kool-Aid is cheaper than wine. Also, by bringing
the kids, your guests will most likely leave a little earlier to put
them to bed.
9. OCEG: Offer cheap entertaining games!
Why
hire an expensive band when you can play cheap and fun games like
Euchre, Hearts, Uno, Skip-Bo, or Pass the Ace. Fun group games include
Charades, Pictionary, Outburst, Apples to Apples, or dominoes. Or
borrow Xbox from your offspring or human neighbor and have competitions
between the party guests. If you are lucky to own one, you can play
Guitar Hero during the party as well.
10. TDFL: Table decorations for less.
Look like a classy human with low cost table decorations. It is possible. You can do simple things such as the following:
Greenery.
Decorate your tables with greenery from the yard, flowers, pine cones,
a bowl of cranberries or use your imagination. If you are a Didiot
decorator, become friends with a decorator or florist and have them decorate it for
you.
Candles. Take advantage of after-holiday sales on candles.
Fun Table Clothes. Purchase brightly colored fabric by the yard. Cut the edges with pinking shears and toss over your tables
Live flowers. Place pots of living, inexpensive flowers on your tables. Plant them in your garden after the party.
11. BFYB: Borrow from your neighbor.
Why purchase party items when you can borrow from your neighbor? Think about it, Earthling. It would be rude to have a party and not invite your human neighbor. Since you are going to feel peer pressure to do so anyway, invite them to the party. But being neighbors and all, ask them to help you with the party. They won't mind. They will feel party of the "in crowd." This way, they are invited but you get free help and free stuff from them to decorate the party.
12. FUYM: Fake it until you make it!
In
order to make it, sometime you have to fake it. Human, throughout the
year, collect empty bottles from expensive wine, vodka and tequila.
Please do not think of us badly for offering this advice, but you could
pour cheap wine, vodka and tequila into those expensive-looking
bottles. Humans do not have the highly evolved senses of smell, taste,
hearing and sight that we aliens have. Therefore, most of you will not
know the difference between a five dollar, ten dollar or thirty dollar
bottle of wine. Please forgive us for suggesting this recession tip but
we are just trying to help you survive the recession. (If you invite us
to your party, please do not try to pull this switch on us or we will
gag. We know better.)
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