It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 12 - Share a Cell Phone

We see that Earthlings love to talk on cell phones. This can be a huge money drain during recession times. We do not understand this phenomenon because we have the option of using our brain waves to do the same thing your cell phones do for you.

We don't understand why humans use text messaging because on our planet, the males have only three fingers and females have four, so that would be a huge problem for us. We evolved to communicate to each other through high frequency brain waves, most likely because we could not advance our text messaging abilities like you humans.

Our preferred form of communication is voice, like you. During recession, save money by sharing one cell phone. No matter what the cell phone company tells you, and

Recession Tip 11 - Sell Old Clothes on Ebay

We have noticed Earthlings are obsessed about the clothing they wear. We are sorry humans have not yet evolved past wearing clothing like we have. We do not recommend you buy new dresses, suits or pants until the recession is safely over.

Your old suit may contain memories of bad board meetings, boring weddings, or other things you replay in your humanoid brains every time you pull it out of the closet.

Your old suit can become a new suit full of hope and potential to another Earthling. Whip it out of your closet, take some photos and make it a STAR on the information superhighway at a place called eBay.

If you do not have much to sell, try selling your underwear. We hear that there are some weird humans out

Recession Tip 10 - Be a Brown-Noser (Part 1)

Hang on to your job at all costs! Suck up to higher authority! It's the Recession, Didiot.

Recession times take drastic measures. No job is safe. Do you understand? Make a strategy to insure your job is safe from downsizing or layoffs, and hang on tight! It is only going to get worse. The bottom line is that besides knowing your sh*%, you also need to become a MAJOR BROWN-NOSER. 

Even aliens know about SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. When the going gets tough and layoffs start going down, your boss is going to choose either you or some drone next to you. I hope it is NOT you. If it is going to be you, then make sure you follow these Brown Nosing Tips:

Brown Nosing Tip 1: COMPLIMENT your boss, sincerely, of course. Tell them you like the clothing they wear. Even better, compliment them on their massive brain power. Make sure they know you think he/she is a genius.

Recession Tip 8 - Cut Up Your Credit Cards

Guido, the credit card collector, is back. If you have more than two credit cards, cut all up but the two with the lowest interest rates. Credit card companies are increasing interest rates even for human customers with good payment history in order to cover the losses of the bad-paying Earthlings.

If you are overloaded with debt during this recession, pick the cards you desire and cut the rest in half. Do not use them. Consolidate your debt if possible - through a bank, NOT through a 'Debt Consolidation' or Credit Repair Company (check with your Better Business Bureau for a long list of