It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 51 - Get a Better Showerhead

Earthlings, we are amazed by your nonchalant attitude when it comes to using water. We understand that water only has three elements (H2O) but there is no reason to abuse water just because it consists of only hydrogen and oxygen. Those are very precious elements that humans could not exist without.

We cringe when we see Earthlings taking baths instead of showers. Baths consume more water than showers unless you decide to shower for one hour at a time. Take a shower, it is a simple way to save money during the recession.

Earthling lovebirds, we appreciate the sometimes much needed bath experience with your Earthling mate, but you must limit it to once per week or once per month. Water is only going to get more expensive and scarcer.

UFO Recession Tip 50 - Turn Off Lights and Have Fun

Earthlings, as we fly our saucy saucer over your houses at night, we see many lights turned on for no reason at all. We see the waste of electricity all over the world. We beam lights at your homes to make you fully aware of this, but we guess we have a communication problem.

If you want to save electricity, you have to be light conscious. You also need to be money, energy and recession conscious during the recession.

Save money by simply turning off lights as you exit a room for more than five minutes. Can this be any easier?

There was a time in Earthling history when you did not have electricity. It was not really that long ago

UFO Recession Tip 28 - Do Your Own Lawn Maintenance

Earthling, you are going to have to get back to doing your own lawn during recession. We do not understand why you do not do them yourself already. Do not look at mowing as a chore. Look at the money you'll save over hiring a lawn service. Look at it as part of your exercise every week. It will make you physically fit and appreciate Mother Nature as well. Get in touch with your own little square of planet Earth.

We estimate that lawn mowing and gardening burns 400 calories per hour, which will make you leaner and fitter, which will enable you to look better and help you attract the opposite sex so you can make more love. Get and even better workout using an old-fangled Push Mower.

Mowing lawn leads to making more love. If you already have a mate, your mate will appreciate you mowing the lawn and most likely reward you for it in bed. I, Zork, have experienced nirvana during love making when Meera has mentioned those dirty words to me: "Thank you for mowing the lawn, honey."