It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 10 - Be a Brown-Noser (Part 1)

Hang on to your job at all costs! Suck up to higher authority! It's the Recession, Didiot.

Recession times take drastic measures. No job is safe. Do you understand? Make a strategy to insure your job is safe from downsizing or layoffs, and hang on tight! It is only going to get worse. The bottom line is that besides knowing your sh*%, you also need to become a MAJOR BROWN-NOSER. 

Even aliens know about SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. When the going gets tough and layoffs start going down, your boss is going to choose either you or some drone next to you. I hope it is NOT you. If it is going to be you, then make sure you follow these Brown Nosing Tips:

Brown Nosing Tip 1: COMPLIMENT your boss, sincerely, of course. Tell them you like the clothing they wear. Even better, compliment them on their massive brain power. Make sure they know you think he/she is a genius.

Recession Tip 16 - Be a Brown-Noser (Part 2)

CONTINUED...from UFO Recession Tip - Be Brown Noser (Part 1)

Brown Nosing Tip #11: Walk the boss's DOG. After a long day at work, your boss is too tired to walk Fido. Insist on doing it for them. Before you do that, make sure your boss knows you are an animal lover. Mention shows from Animal Planet such as DogTown and The Dog Whisperer, put a framed photo of your own dog (or any dog) in your cubicle. The least obvious situation is to walk your dog along with your boss's dog, plus the dogs can bond.

Brown Nosing Tip #12: Have a photo of your human head imprinted on a BAR OF SOAP. You can search the web and make your own soap and add your photos. Give the soap to your boss so that when he or she is taking a shower and pondering who to lay off, it will not be you.

Brown Nosing Tip #13: Make sure your boss's SHOES ARE SHINED. Most preferable is to have a mini-shoe shine stand in your cubicle. Offer to shoe shine your boss's shoes daily. The shoe shine stand should allow the boss to sit down