It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 76 - Run Barefoot

Earthlings, we see your obsession with shoes. All kinds of shoes. We viewed your reruns of the TV show Sex and the City. The main character, Carrie, is obsessed about buying shoes. She would rather buy a new pair of shoes than eat.

We see human teens and young adults spend money on basketball shoes that are so expensive it makes us scratch our heads. Why do these shoes cost so much?

I do not understand the Earthling concept of fashion. We do not wear clothing on our planet, and no shoes, tattoos, hats or jewelry. Fashion is illogical to me. My wife Meera and my son Zorkey have gotten the hang of it much better than I have.

From what I understand, fashionable "stuff" makes humans more attractive to the opposite sex. You purchase clothing, cars and shoes. I have been told these things makes you look "cool." Once again, this is all illogical. The easiest, quickest

Recession Tip 14 - Plant a Garden

During recession, it is best to get a green thumb. We already have green thumbs so for us it is not a problem. But humans, having evolved to live in the cities, have become clueless about growing vegetables in their back yards.

Any human can plant a garden if they try. It is in your genetic DNA to plant gardens.

Follow this human logic:
Oil is converted into gasoline
===> gasoline is poured into funny-looking, moving storage tanks which burn gas and emit toxic gases out of their rear
===>These toxic gases cause the Earth's weather to exhibit weird patterns such as too much heat, snow, rain or too many hurricanes or too much frost
===>weird weather ruins crops and drives up prices which are already skyrocketing due to high cost of gasoline due to high cost of oil

It is not hard to plant a tomato, potato, onion, squash, lettuce, cabbage, pumpkins, chives,

Recession Tip 11 - Sell Old Clothes on Ebay

We have noticed Earthlings are obsessed about the clothing they wear. We are sorry humans have not yet evolved past wearing clothing like we have. We do not recommend you buy new dresses, suits or pants until the recession is safely over.

Your old suit may contain memories of bad board meetings, boring weddings, or other things you replay in your humanoid brains every time you pull it out of the closet.

Your old suit can become a new suit full of hope and potential to another Earthling. Whip it out of your closet, take some photos and make it a STAR on the information superhighway at a place called eBay.

If you do not have much to sell, try selling your underwear. We hear that there are some weird humans out

UFO Recession Tip 9 - Bring Lunch to Work

Bring your Energy Refueling Packet (lunch) to work in a bag. And to save more, use a reusable lunch box! You will save money and be green (like me)!

During recession or depression times, taking your Earthling boss to lunch just is not going to cut it because your boss is too busy brown-nosing their own boss. Eat at the office, preferably while continuing to work, or better yet, eat during a company cost-saving committee meeting which you organized (big brownie points).

Bringing your lunch to work is cheaper than going out to a restaurant, saves gas and reduces pollution. If you are an intelligent being, you will bring a healthy sandwich.

Lunch box leads to company commitment leads to saving money leads to a healthier bod.