It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 13 - Drink Wine at Home

We do not understand the arrogance Earthlings portray in front of other Earthlings during social gatherings. We have seen humans swirl the wine glass, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it and take a tiny, itsy, bitty sip only to tell the waiter that the wine is acceptable and to pour for others. We do not understand what makes each human an expert, wine-tasting guru; but we do understand that the wine costs much more if you drink it a restaurant rather than in the comfort of you own residential unit.

During recession, drink the wine at home to save money. Another benefit, if you are with your mate, you have a better chance of having sex quickly if you drink the wine at home. Based on our alien calculations the odds are higher for you to have sex after drinking wine at home than after drinking wine at the restaurant (Tip 2- Sex is the Best Free Entertainment).

Besides paying double the price for wine (or other alcoholic beverages) at a restaurant, you also run the risk of getting a DWI and spending a night in jail, which would cost you

UFO Recession Tip 84: Zork's Frugal Party Ideas

Earthling, your beautiful blue planet has been struck by recession. We see humans drowning their sorrows of financial distress with increased purchases of alcoholic beverages.

When the going gets tough, well... throw a party! Parties are sure to help you feel better. A party may even help you find a new job, new love, a new get-rich-quick scheme or start a new business. YouTUBE was conceived at a party. We do not know how you conceive such a thing but we do understand a baby doctor was not required.

Money is tight right now. Getting a personal loan from the bank to throw a bash is difficult. Do not despair, human. Simply throw a bash on a budget with our favorite recession party tips. Please be green like us as you party the night away.

1. DBTK: Don't be a tree killer! Use FREE Invites.
Why send paper invitations when you can save money and trees? Do not be a Party Didiot! Use evites or invite guests through facebook, myspace or Zork Planet.

2. LCAP: Lights! Camera! Action! Party!

Do not waste dollars on new party lights when you likely have some in your closet already. Light up any party with strings of Christmas lights. Use multi-colored lights for New Year's Eve, red for any party, green for Saint Patty's Day, and white for weddings or anniversary parties.

Zork's Recession Tip 2 - Have More Sex

The cheapest and best entertainment on the planet is sex. Nothing can compete. If you have a spousal unit or have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and cannot figure out what to do on a Friday night because you are tight on money, you should plan to have sex.

Sex is good for the budget during a recession. It is more interactive than video games, more entertaining than going to a theater and dinner, highly physical (so you can burn calories

UFO Recession Tip 82 - Meditate Your Way through the Recession

Earthling, throughout the one million years we have evolved beyond humans we discovered the cheapest form of entertainment available to any species in the galaxy.

When you need to be entertained but do not have the monetary means to go to a theater, concert, restaurant, bar, dance club, or you just have not found that special person to share the joy of having sex, then entertain yourself with meditation.