It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 3 - Forget the Car, Ride a Bike

The price of a gallon of gas in America on planet Earth is hovering at the high $3's, get yourself a bike and ride it like Lance Armstrong. There is no hybrid automobile that can compete against a bicycle. If you do not own a bicycle, check out your pawn shops. We hear they have some good, high quality bikes at good prices.

The rest of the planet Earth rides bikes. If you do not think riding a bike is cool, it gets really cool as you ride past the gas pump.

If you are trying to impress a male or female Earthling, ask them to go on a bike date. If they are smart they will be

Zork's Recession Tip 2 - Have More Sex

The cheapest and best entertainment on the planet is sex. Nothing can compete. If you have a spousal unit or have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and cannot figure out what to do on a Friday night because you are tight on money, you should plan to have sex.

Sex is good for the budget during a recession. It is more interactive than video games, more entertaining than going to a theater and dinner, highly physical (so you can burn calories

UFO Recession Tip 1 - Walk Your Ass Off

YOU CAN SAVE A LOT OF MONEY BY WALKING. American Earthlings are not walking enough.

WALK TO WORK IF YOU CAN. Walk to your friends' houses. Walk to the grocery store. Walk to Starbucks.

You need to walk off those calories from your triple shot, hazelnut, latte, anyway! When we visited France, we observed thousands of walking humans.

Here is a big secret:  French Earthlings are not skinnier because they drink red wine and eat fine cheese - as most of you wish to believe. They are skinnier because they walk, walk

UFO Recession Tip 82 - Meditate Your Way through the Recession

Earthling, throughout the one million years we have evolved beyond humans we discovered the cheapest form of entertainment available to any species in the galaxy.

When you need to be entertained but do not have the monetary means to go to a theater, concert, restaurant, bar, dance club, or you just have not found that special person to share the joy of having sex, then entertain yourself with meditation.