It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 7 - Do Your Own Nails

Seriously, if female Earthlings must paint their fingernails colors to attract human males, then they can save a lot of money painting their nails at home during the recession.

It might be fun to paint each other nails. Or, to be green like us, they can go without nail polish or at least use some of the new "organic" nail polishes. Search for "Organic nail polish" from this page for the most current ones available.

Skip fake, acrylic nails during the recession. They are an expense any organism can do without. Think about how silly it is to have them in the first place.

Recession Tip 5 - Cut Your Own Hair or Let it Grow

We understand your human hair stylist might double as a therapist and you believe that it is saving you money. However, take our advice. We do not have hair and have never needed a hair stylist. Fire both your hair dresser and your therapist and save a lot of money during the recession.

Cut your own head hair, grow it long, or get a friend to cut your hair. Use your calculator - at $50 a month and up, or $150 and up for cut and color - you will really help your budget.

At the very least, you can find a cheaper hair dresser during this recession - depression.

Also, if you can, get a buzz cut. This will enable you to dry your hair instantly (which will save energy because blow dryers are not energy efficient), use less shampoo (which will save you money), and hopefully give you that David Beckham look, if you are a male Earthling. The Beckham look will allow you to have more SEX because female Earthlings find this look attractive, and sex is exercise which allows you to stop your gym membership and save more money.

If you do not know who David Beckham is, then you are not of this galaxy.

UFO Tip 71 - Frugal and Green Bath and Body

Earthling, there is no need to purchase expensive and unnatural bath and body products when your planet has provided everything you need for cheap.

Over millions of years, we managed to turn our bodies into green, beautiful, highly desirable, pleasurable temples. You can do the same, humans.

Your body is natural, so treat it with natural products. My wife, Meera and I searched the Earth in our saucy saucer and discovered the simplest, eco-friendly items to pamper your skin so you can stay beautiful and healthy, even during recession.

Top 6 Recession-Proof, Green-Friendly Skincare Products:

1. Avocado oil. We love avocados. They are green and a green product. The fatty acids soften your skin. Anti-oxidant vitamins A,C and E protect your skin from damage.

How to: Pour equal amounts of avocado and evening-primrose oil into a bottle and shake. Massage a few drops on your face and cover with a washcloth for a few moments.

(Photos from LoveCarrots)

2. Egg on Your Face Facial. Humans, for the first time, you can have egg on your face and enjoy it. Eggs are high in protein and can help make your skin beautiful.

How to 1: Beat one egg white until stiff. Mix in a teaspoon of bee's honey. Fluff it all over your face and relax for 30 minutes. Rinse it all off with cold water.

How to 2: Smooth raw egg white all over your face with a cotton ball. Relax as it dries for 30 minutes. Wash off with lukewarm, then cold water.

UFO Recession Tip 72 - Save Money, Stop Using Shampoo

Why do Earthlings spend so much on maintaining their hair? Maybe because we aliens do not have hair, we will never understand. Shampoo puts unhealthy chemicals on your head, next to your brain. This seems to us like a Didiot thing to do. The planet Earth offers a way to naturally and cheaply clean your hair. 

Beautiful, shiny hair for pennies. We scoured the planet and found a group of humans with beautiful hair for cheap! They simply use apple cider vinegar and baking soda. You can simply clean you hair and it will look great without any extra styling products. We suggest you go to your pantry and try it as soon as you finish reading this article.