It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 13 - Drink Wine at Home

We do not understand the arrogance Earthlings portray in front of other Earthlings during social gatherings. We have seen humans swirl the wine glass, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it and take a tiny, itsy, bitty sip only to tell the waiter that the wine is acceptable and to pour for others. We do not understand what makes each human an expert, wine-tasting guru; but we do understand that the wine costs much more if you drink it a restaurant rather than in the comfort of you own residential unit.

During recession, drink the wine at home to save money. Another benefit, if you are with your mate, you have a better chance of having sex quickly if you drink the wine at home. Based on our alien calculations the odds are higher for you to have sex after drinking wine at home than after drinking wine at the restaurant (Tip 2- Sex is the Best Free Entertainment).

Besides paying double the price for wine (or other alcoholic beverages) at a restaurant, you also run the risk of getting a DWI and spending a night in jail, which would cost you

UFO Recession Tip 9 - Bring Lunch to Work

Bring your Energy Refueling Packet (lunch) to work in a bag. And to save more, use a reusable lunch box! You will save money and be green (like me)!

During recession or depression times, taking your Earthling boss to lunch just is not going to cut it because your boss is too busy brown-nosing their own boss. Eat at the office, preferably while continuing to work, or better yet, eat during a company cost-saving committee meeting which you organized (big brownie points).

Bringing your lunch to work is cheaper than going out to a restaurant, saves gas and reduces pollution. If you are an intelligent being, you will bring a healthy sandwich.

Lunch box leads to company commitment leads to saving money leads to a healthier bod.

UFO Recession Tip 84: Zork's Frugal Party Ideas

Earthling, your beautiful blue planet has been struck by recession. We see humans drowning their sorrows of financial distress with increased purchases of alcoholic beverages.

When the going gets tough, well... throw a party! Parties are sure to help you feel better. A party may even help you find a new job, new love, a new get-rich-quick scheme or start a new business. YouTUBE was conceived at a party. We do not know how you conceive such a thing but we do understand a baby doctor was not required.

Money is tight right now. Getting a personal loan from the bank to throw a bash is difficult. Do not despair, human. Simply throw a bash on a budget with our favorite recession party tips. Please be green like us as you party the night away.

1. DBTK: Don't be a tree killer! Use FREE Invites.
Why send paper invitations when you can save money and trees? Do not be a Party Didiot! Use evites or invite guests through facebook, myspace or Zork Planet.

2. LCAP: Lights! Camera! Action! Party!

Do not waste dollars on new party lights when you likely have some in your closet already. Light up any party with strings of Christmas lights. Use multi-colored lights for New Year's Eve, red for any party, green for Saint Patty's Day, and white for weddings or anniversary parties.

UFO Recession Tip 62 - The Great Popcorn Rip-off

Earthlings, we have discovered many humans are being ripped off every single day by popcorn conglomerates.

When you purchase pre-packaged microwave popcorn your paying for the cardboard box, cellophane wrapping and the paper bag of popcorn packed with unnecessary and unhealthy chemicals and fat. We think your really want only the popcorn.

Popcorn is a healthy snack! Do not ruin it by eating pre-packaged microwave popcorn with 10 extra chemical ingredients.

Pre-packaged microwave popcorn is fattening, unhealthy, ungreen and expensive. The only ingredient is the popcorn. Stop being Didiots! Do not throw your money away on silly willy fancy popcorn, especially during recession!