It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 85: Raiders of the Lost Closet

Earthlings, we discovered a secret treasure for staying in fashion while saving you money in 2009. No need to shop till you drop this year. The secret treasures we speak of lie in your own closet.

We observed some very intelligent and well-dressed humans, not shopping, but digging deep into their own closets and finding clothing and shoes they have not worn for years. Some of these clothes are back in style. What treasures they have become now.

We declare 2009 the year of Frugality.

Because your planet is in recession, and we hope not too deep of a recession, frugality has become the fashion statement this year. We would not be surprised to see fashion models walking down the runway wearing their old clothing. 

Fashion is dead. Frugality is in.

Besides, what is more fashionable? Wearing new clothing or not have a foreclosure sign in front of your house? Meera and I think it is much cooler to wear old clothes.

Make it fun, Earthling! Watch Indiana Jones films to motivate yourself to raid your closet. You and your family can dress up like Indiana Jones and act out the part.

Make your old clothing new again. Mix and match old items to create new outfits. Tailor your old clothing to update the style.

Get the young humans involved. Take some of their old toys from their closet and re-package them into some boxes you saved over the year and present it to them right now. What is the occasion? Tell them they are getting presents because you are declaring this year the “Year of Frugality.” Most of the children will not realize it is their old toys.

Ask your neighbors to raid each other’s closets. Make sure you do not have any sexy, embarrassing items lying around in your closet to avoid extreme embarrassment. We do not believe your neighbors want to see any large vibrators laying around or peruse your home-made Debbie does Dallas videos.

Beware. We are currently working on the next sequel to Indiana Jones. It will be called Raiders of the Lost Closet. What fun it will be to act side by side with Harrison Ford. We hope Mr. Ford does not demand too much money for his part.

It is the recession and frugality is in.

UFO Recession Tip 81– Minimalize Your Wardrobe

Earthling, we are aliens, not financial experts. Our species evolved past using money many millenniums ago. We know nothing about sub-prime mortgages, credit swaps and other mumbo jumbo terms that humans use on Wall Street. But we have seen many of the stiff-necked, tie-wearing, Armani suits lose their shirts lately. 

Uncle Sam, (we do not understand why America calls the government 'Uncle Sam' but we assume it has to do with paying taxes) is bailing out Wall Street with $700 billion dollars…so far. What that really means is that the American Earthling taxpayer is paying for the mistakes of others.

Human, since Americans are forced to bail out and pay for others living large and lavish on Wall Street, Americans will not need to worry about “fashion” for the next two to three years.

“The Minimalist Wardrobe” is the new fashion trend. We still cannot figure out why humans on Wall Street wear so much clothing to work.

UFO Recession Tip 76 - Run Barefoot

Earthlings, we see your obsession with shoes. All kinds of shoes. We viewed your reruns of the TV show Sex and the City. The main character, Carrie, is obsessed about buying shoes. She would rather buy a new pair of shoes than eat.

We see human teens and young adults spend money on basketball shoes that are so expensive it makes us scratch our heads. Why do these shoes cost so much?

I do not understand the Earthling concept of fashion. We do not wear clothing on our planet, and no shoes, tattoos, hats or jewelry. Fashion is illogical to me. My wife Meera and my son Zorkey have gotten the hang of it much better than I have.

From what I understand, fashionable "stuff" makes humans more attractive to the opposite sex. You purchase clothing, cars and shoes. I have been told these things makes you look "cool." Once again, this is all illogical. The easiest, quickest

UFO Recession Tip 56 - Do Your Own Drycleaning and Ironing

Earthlings, we want to inform you of a very serious matter: Meera and I hate to do washing and ironing. We are extremely intelligent aliens but we have not figured out how a shirt fits over the iron board so that we can iron it more effectively.

We looked on the Earthling digital highway and found very little instruction on how to become a great dry cleaner and ironing expert.

We believe this is a conspiracy. We know, even though you do not, that dry cleaning and ironing is an activity controlled by the people "at the top" who wish to control people by forcing everyone to take their clothes to cleaners. The reason is because the cleaning lobbyists have