It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 47 - Share Clothes with a Friend

Earthlings, do not spend $150 to $400 on a dress or outfit you will wear only one time to a special party or on a date. We aliens think that is a DIDIOT thing to do during the recession.

When you purchase a new garment, always calculate the "cost per wear" for that item. For example.

$100 Blue Jeans / 200 wears = 50 pennies per wear

$100 Evening Gown / 2 wears = $50 per wear

You can easily see, based on these calculations that the blue jeans are a good investment, but the dress is not.

We have several ways for you to save money and still wear nice, beautiful garments during the recession.

Share clothing with your friends. Simply find a friend who is you shape and size. Humans tend to befriend other humans who are similar in height and weight so this is easy.

UFO Recession Tip 38 - Grow a Beard

Earthlings, stop shaving and save money. Beards are tres chic right now. Drauk and I are quite jealous because we aliens cannot grow beards. The above picture is me with a beard wig - but tell no one.

Beards have recently sprouted on the chins of Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emile Hirsch, Samuel L. Jackson, David Letterman, Chuck Norris (always had one) and Conan O'Brien.

Earthling Men: grow a beard. You can pretend to be fashionable with your beard, but secretly save money during the recession.

Beards are cheaper because:

1. Razorblades are expensive. Our alien calculations tell us American male humans spend $1.70 to $3.50 per blade. If you use one blade per week you are spending between $6.80 and $14.00 per month just on blades.

Human females normally use razorblades twice and spend between $25.50 and $52.50 a month on blades. My wife, Meera does not shave her legs, like all female aliens on our planet.

UFO Recession Tip 37 - Dress In-Style, Shop Target

During recession, fashion takes a new turn. There is no need to be a fashion diva if you are about to get foreclosed on your house.

Earthlings, we have a deep secret to tell you. If you have been the fashion queen or king before the recession, you can continue to be one, without breaking your bank.

The secret to recession fashion is to shop at Target. If your Earthling friends are used to seeing you shop at Neiman Marcus. Nordstrom or Barneys, then you have to plan a little cover up. We are not telling you to lie, but telling a "little green lie" won't hurt you if you cannot afford to lose your fashion image.

If you must buy fashionable clothes during recession, then act as if you are heading toward one of those stores and then at last moment, take a drastic turn toward Target. I know you are worried that your human friends might spot you shopping in the clothing section of Target. Simply wear a mask, or shop at a Target store far from your neighborhood.

Target's designers are very quick at knocking off (copying) designer clothes. We discovered high-priced items in expensive department stores that looked

UFO Recession Tip 34 - Sleep Naked

Why do Earthlings sleep in clothes every night? Even if your pj's are from Victoria Secret, what is the point? We aliens do not wear clothing to cover our beautiful bodies when on our beautiful home planet.

Save money by sleeping naked. If you are naked or nude, you can keep your temperature on your thermostat higher in the summer. This will enable you to save energy and save money.

We heard through the tabloid press that David Beckham and Victoria Beckham sleep naked. Well, that is good enough for us. If they sleep naked, then everyone else should. 

Sleeping naked is natural for your body as well. But that is not the best reason. Yes, you probably guessed it. Sleeping naked allows you to have more sex with your mate, guaranteed. When we conducted our own studies (these studies were not paid for by Victoria Secret), we found out we had more sex when we slept naked than when we wore our