It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 6 - Get a 2nd Job

If you cannot control your budget or you are in major debt, but you cannot get a raise at your current Earthling job, get a second job. The best place to start is Starbucks because their time schedule is flexible and they have good health benefits, even for part-time humans. They also pay fairly.

It is also a great way to reduce your Starbucks expenses since you will be able to drink coffee for free and those cappuccinos and lattes add up at over $4 per drink. You might even be able to meet a new love there if you are single, which will enable you to have free entertainment (Please see UFO Recession Tip #2 - Have more Sex), which enable you to cut down on going to theater or bars. You will also get Starbucks employee discounts, enabling you to take your new girlfriend to Starbucks for a Starbucks date.

Starbucks is taking over the Earth so job security as a part-time barista looks promising. We hear that our planet has been having secret talks with Howard Shulz (Founder and CEO of Starbucks) to expand Starbucks stores into our galaxy, which might enable you to travel the Universe as a Starbucks barista.

So make sure that if you work at Starbucks as a barista that you learn your craft well because you never know when you will be called upon for that galactic expansion of stores.

UFO Recession Tip 4 - Drink Tap Water, Didiot

Unless you've been living under a ROCK... Wait, we aliens live under rocks... you've heard that your American city-flavored tap water is just as healthy to drink as bottled water. Save money and drink tap water! Now! Today! You are free to filter it if you must.

Stop wasting your money on useless plastic bottles which only destroy your planet's delicate ecosystem. Do you think plastic bottles are a status symbol? Plastic bottles are a DIDIOT SYMBOL.

We, UFO Recession Aliens, convinced your city of SAN FRANCISCO in your state of California to BAN ALL PLASTIC WATER BOTTLES. Read the news!

This is not just for the recession / depression, but for EVER! Stop filling up your landfills and ruining your planet with plastic bottles. We command you now! Sorry if you think we are rude.

Plastic bottles are destroying your planet! From the gasoline wasted transporting them across your land, to the pollution caused by the big trucks carrying them, to the mountains of empty plastic bottles in your landfills.

If you buy one more plastic bottle of water, we will know you are a DIDIOT.

More tips:

Tip 84: Zork's Frugal Party Ideas

 Tip 3 - Forget the Car, Ride a Bike

Recession Tip 3 - Forget the Car, Ride a Bike

The price of a gallon of gas in America on planet Earth is hovering at the high $3's, get yourself a bike and ride it like Lance Armstrong. There is no hybrid automobile that can compete against a bicycle. If you do not own a bicycle, check out your pawn shops. We hear they have some good, high quality bikes at good prices.

The rest of the planet Earth rides bikes. If you do not think riding a bike is cool, it gets really cool as you ride past the gas pump.

If you are trying to impress a male or female Earthling, ask them to go on a bike date. If they are smart they will be

Zork's Recession Tip 2 - Have More Sex

The cheapest and best entertainment on the planet is sex. Nothing can compete. If you have a spousal unit or have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and cannot figure out what to do on a Friday night because you are tight on money, you should plan to have sex.

Sex is good for the budget during a recession. It is more interactive than video games, more entertaining than going to a theater and dinner, highly physical (so you can burn calories