It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 3 - Forget the Car, Ride a Bike

The price of a gallon of gas in America on planet Earth is hovering at the high $3's, get yourself a bike and ride it like Lance Armstrong. There is no hybrid automobile that can compete against a bicycle. If you do not own a bicycle, check out your pawn shops. We hear they have some good, high quality bikes at good prices.

The rest of the planet Earth rides bikes. If you do not think riding a bike is cool, it gets really cool as you ride past the gas pump.

If you are trying to impress a male or female Earthling, ask them to go on a bike date. If they are smart they will be

UFO Recession Tip 1 - Walk Your Ass Off

YOU CAN SAVE A LOT OF MONEY BY WALKING. American Earthlings are not walking enough.

WALK TO WORK IF YOU CAN. Walk to your friends' houses. Walk to the grocery store. Walk to Starbucks.

You need to walk off those calories from your triple shot, hazelnut, latte, anyway! When we visited France, we observed thousands of walking humans.

Here is a big secret:  French Earthlings are not skinnier because they drink red wine and eat fine cheese - as most of you wish to believe. They are skinnier because they walk, walk

UFO Recession Tip 45 - Less is More

Earthlings, why do humans always want things bigger and bigger? If you are going to survive the recession, you will have to change your mentality to 'less is more.'

Less eating, spending, driving, partying, smoking.

Less of those things means more of other things. More money, time with family, relaxing, reading, enjoying, exercising, playing the banjo, soccer, bird watching, playing with Fido, video games, gardening, volunteering... those things you always wish you had the time to do.

The recession is here. It is the prefect excuse to do the things you really want to do. You even have time for more loving. More kissing, more sex. Sex is recession proof. It doesn't require money, unless you

UFO Recession Tip 44 - Do Not Use Premium Gasoline

You might be a Didiot if you waste your hard-earned money on regular unleaded gasoline.

According to your own Consumer Energy Center, it is a waste of money to use premium over regular gasoline. Gas is very expensive now, so during recession do not even think about premium unleaded, even to impress your date.

There is absolutely no reason to use premium or more expensive grades of gas than recommended by the maker of your vehicle, according to human experts. There is virtually no difference in the MPG you will get with regular or premium gasoline. Both contain 111,4000 BTUs (British Thermal Units) of energy per gallon.

The only difference you will notice is which one drains your bank account quickest. Premium grades cost between 20 cents and 40 cents more.

Thousands of humans have been brain-washed by the gasoline companies' TV commercials to use premium only, or to use premium every three or four times they purchase gas. People are told that the expensive premium gasoline will