It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 79 - Save Money: Stop Smoking

Earthling, a simple way to survive during the tough economic times is to stop smoking if you are a smoker.

We do not follow the logic of smoking. Do not get us wrong. We are not aliens with our noses in the air acting like we do no wrong, but smoking is a nasty Earthling habit.

Other Earthlings do not smoke. If smoking is so wonderful, why do we not see lions, dogs, cats, birds, horses and skunks smoke?

We tried to smoke a cigarette to experience what humans do and, to put it bluntly, we almost puked. Meera would not kiss me for an entire week. We found out that the only thing smoking is good for is the cigarette manufacturers and cigarette investors.

UFO Recession Tip 87: Viva Las Frugal

Earthlings, what happens in this article, stays in this article.

Wherever we land on your planet we see worried humans. They are not yet depressed, but they are recessed. Yes, it is recession all over the planet and all Earthlings must watch how they spend their money.

Recession is making the Earth greener! We do not like seeing so many humans financially suffering right now, but the global recession is making your planet greener – whether Bubba admits it or not. When humans spend less money, then all the activities in making the product or service are not necessary, so less of the planet’s resources are being used up.

Why do humans spend so much money on so much crap? At the end of the day, you cannot take those things with you when you die. What you can take with you is your life experiences. So, human, if you do have some savings left and want to have an experience of your life, then may we suggest Viva Las Vegas? We have been to millions of planets across the galaxy but there is no place like Las Vegas.

Viva Las Frugal, Baby! You can still be frugal and go there. In fact, with the suggestions we offer, you can be Viva Las Frugal!

Unemployment in Las Vegas hit 7.9% in November and the county's foreclosure rate is one of the nation’s highest. Why do Earthlings call Vegas 'Sin City?' Apparently the luck has gone sour. Sin City bad luck is good luck for frugal Earthling vacationers.

1. Hotels are Cheap.
Viva Las Vegas has 141,000 hotel rooms and occupancy rates have dropped by 15%.

Trump Tower $99 a night
Wynn Las Vegas under $200 a night
El Cortez just $14 a night (Insane!)

UFO Recession Tip 86: 10X Investment for 2009

Earthlings, stay away from Wall Street this year. Forget about putting your savings into banks which are being bailed out and bought out by your governments across the planet. We have figured out how any human can save money and make the right investment this year.

Yes, you can. Yes, we can. You can make money this year. This is not some Madoff get-rich-scheme. We are not sneaky, slimy, shenanigan, shyster meister financial wizards from Wall Street. We do not even have an MBA. However, if you have already read some of our blogs, you know we have vastly superior intelligence to your species. Please do not hold that against us. We are simply trying to help.

Human, after seeing Earthlings suffer in 2008 due to all the shenaniganisms, we actually want to say “Watts up!”  Help us to help you save you from Didiot Earthlings.

Earthling, the easiest way to make and save money this year is to invest into CFC light bulbs.

UFO Recession Tip 77 - Why We Love Pawn Shops

Earthling, do not be frightened of pawn shops. They might be your best friend during recession. At pawn shops you can purchase many kinds of useful things at bargain prices, sell your old junk for fast cash or get a loan against it. Remember, buying used is also green!

Not every pawn shop has a seedy, toothless character waiting behind the counter to take advantage of you. Pawn shop owners and employees are Earthlings too.

Earthling, we arrived without any of your planet's money after we were shot down by Bubba in Stephenville, Texas. So we pawned Meera's huge diamond ring.  We used part of the money to move to Los Angeles because in the city of angels, we thought we could fit in just fine. We were so right.

The other part of the loan from the pawn shop is being used to repair our saucer's Intergalactic Energy Power Booster so we can make it on time to our cousin's wedding. We only have 356 years to get there. It is going to be very close. We have to