It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 83 - Be a Turtle Buyer

Earthling, we love turtles. They are cute, and much can be learned from observing them. Some of them live for a long time.

Turtles are slow, and many humans make fun of them for that. We heard the story of the “Turtle and the Hare.” The moral of that story applies to what your human financial gurus call “personal finance.”

No need to watch Susie Orr on Earth’s CNBC television network for sound financial advice. Personal finance is simple. We are a highly intelligent species (sorry to remind you of this once again), and we have the most revolutionary way for you to become financially sound-proof during this tough economic environment.

The secret we are about to give you will revolutionize your ability to make money, save money and live a happy and rich life. This secret is so profound it will change your forever. The secret has been confirmed by successful men and women of all ages, races and cultures.

UFO Recession Tip 82 - Meditate Your Way through the Recession

Earthling, throughout the one million years we have evolved beyond humans we discovered the cheapest form of entertainment available to any species in the galaxy.

When you need to be entertained but do not have the monetary means to go to a theater, concert, restaurant, bar, dance club, or you just have not found that special person to share the joy of having sex, then entertain yourself with meditation.

Recession Tip 81– Minimalize Your Wardrobe

Earthling, we are aliens, not financial experts. Our species evolved past using money many millenniums ago. We know nothing about sub-prime mortgages, credit swaps and other mumbo jumbo terms that humans use on Wall Street. But we have seen many of the stiff-necked, tie-wearing, Armani suits lose their shirts lately. 

Uncle Sam, (we do not understand why America calls the government 'Uncle Sam' but we assume it has to do with paying taxes) is bailing out Wall Street with $700 billion dollars…so far. What that really means is that the American Earthling taxpayer is paying for the mistakes of others.

Human, since Americans are forced to bail out and pay for others living large and lavish on Wall Street, Americans will not need to worry about “fashion” for the next two to three years.

“The Minimalist Wardrobe” is the new fashion trend. We still cannot figure out why humans on Wall Street wear so much clothing to work.