It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 18 - Be a Penny Pincher

We have a message for Earthlings, wanting to survive the recession and not have their homes foreclosed and cars repossessed. The message is very simple: Don't spend money, Earthling a-holes!

Since we have been stranded on your planet (until we figure out how to repair our saucy saucer, we have seen Earthlings buying a lot of stupid-ass stuff. Humans seem to have a desire to buy everything in sight.

We overheard one Earthling saying, "A penny saved is a penny earned." This saying is contradictory to what U.S. President George W. Bush expects when he doles out the measly tax rebate each American taxpayer will receive.

Do no spend your tax rebate. Save it. The way out of the recession is not to spend, spend, spend like there is

Recession Tip 17 - Best Way to Save Cash

We do not understand why Earthlings use pieces of paper called 'money.' On our planet, there is no such thing as money, just love. But since we are stuck on this planet until you Earthlings help us get out of here by donating these Earthling dollars (or Euros, Yen, Bolivars...), we have a few recommendations for you to save dollars during the recession.

THE SIMPLEST WAY TO SAVE MONEY IS NOT TO SPEND IT. Yes. You may choose not to accept it, but as you say "A penny saved is a penny earned."

If you are an Earthling shopaholic, then simply restrain yourself from spending money during recession. We understand that your current president has the same problem of not being able to save money for the U.S.

From what we read in your own human-written newspapers, the U.S. is $9 trillion dollars in debt at this moment and on its way to $12 trillion within the next five years. Please

Recession Tip 16 - Be a Brown-Noser (Part 2)

CONTINUED...from UFO Recession Tip - Be Brown Noser (Part 1)

Brown Nosing Tip #11: Walk the boss's DOG. After a long day at work, your boss is too tired to walk Fido. Insist on doing it for them. Before you do that, make sure your boss knows you are an animal lover. Mention shows from Animal Planet such as DogTown and The Dog Whisperer, put a framed photo of your own dog (or any dog) in your cubicle. The least obvious situation is to walk your dog along with your boss's dog, plus the dogs can bond.

Brown Nosing Tip #12: Have a photo of your human head imprinted on a BAR OF SOAP. You can search the web and make your own soap and add your photos. Give the soap to your boss so that when he or she is taking a shower and pondering who to lay off, it will not be you.

Brown Nosing Tip #13: Make sure your boss's SHOES ARE SHINED. Most preferable is to have a mini-shoe shine stand in your cubicle. Offer to shoe shine your boss's shoes daily. The shoe shine stand should allow the boss to sit down

Recession Tip 15 - Use Your Home Entertainment Center

We do not understand why humans fight traffic to go to a movie theater, stand in long lines in the cold or heat, pay $40 dollars for tickets, plus $30 for Coca Colas and $10 popcorn for a family.

We, recession aliens, can help you save a lot of money in the entertainment budget category. We understand Earthlings have a need to see new films to feel hip and cool, but during recession, hipness and coolness can cause lead to foreclose on your house. The simple answer is to save money and gas by staying home to watch movies. You can find movies on demand, on HBO, on Cable Channels and worst case scenario on major networks.

Look over your vast home DVD library and pick an old favorite to watch. Comedies are preferable during recession to keep your mind focused out of reality. You do not need to watch drama during recession because your life is a drama.

Borrow DVDs from friends, if you do not have many of your own. Make sure you return the videos; otherwise your friends will not lend any more videos.

Watching at home has many benefits. You will save money on gas, theater tickets, soft drinks (we prefer you