It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 14 - Plant a Garden

During recession, it is best to get a green thumb. We already have green thumbs so for us it is not a problem. But humans, having evolved to live in the cities, have become clueless about growing vegetables in their back yards.

Any human can plant a garden if they try. It is in your genetic DNA to plant gardens.

Follow this human logic:
Oil is converted into gasoline
===> gasoline is poured into funny-looking, moving storage tanks which burn gas and emit toxic gases out of their rear
===>These toxic gases cause the Earth's weather to exhibit weird patterns such as too much heat, snow, rain or too many hurricanes or too much frost
===>weird weather ruins crops and drives up prices which are already skyrocketing due to high cost of gasoline due to high cost of oil

It is not hard to plant a tomato, potato, onion, squash, lettuce, cabbage, pumpkins, chives,

UFO Recession Tip 13 - Drink Wine at Home

We do not understand the arrogance Earthlings portray in front of other Earthlings during social gatherings. We have seen humans swirl the wine glass, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it, smell it, swirl it and take a tiny, itsy, bitty sip only to tell the waiter that the wine is acceptable and to pour for others. We do not understand what makes each human an expert, wine-tasting guru; but we do understand that the wine costs much more if you drink it a restaurant rather than in the comfort of you own residential unit.

During recession, drink the wine at home to save money. Another benefit, if you are with your mate, you have a better chance of having sex quickly if you drink the wine at home. Based on our alien calculations the odds are higher for you to have sex after drinking wine at home than after drinking wine at the restaurant (Tip 2- Sex is the Best Free Entertainment).

Besides paying double the price for wine (or other alcoholic beverages) at a restaurant, you also run the risk of getting a DWI and spending a night in jail, which would cost you

UFO Recession Tip 12 - Share a Cell Phone

We see that Earthlings love to talk on cell phones. This can be a huge money drain during recession times. We do not understand this phenomenon because we have the option of using our brain waves to do the same thing your cell phones do for you.

We don't understand why humans use text messaging because on our planet, the males have only three fingers and females have four, so that would be a huge problem for us. We evolved to communicate to each other through high frequency brain waves, most likely because we could not advance our text messaging abilities like you humans.

Our preferred form of communication is voice, like you. During recession, save money by sharing one cell phone. No matter what the cell phone company tells you, and

Recession Tip 11 - Sell Old Clothes on Ebay

We have noticed Earthlings are obsessed about the clothing they wear. We are sorry humans have not yet evolved past wearing clothing like we have. We do not recommend you buy new dresses, suits or pants until the recession is safely over.

Your old suit may contain memories of bad board meetings, boring weddings, or other things you replay in your humanoid brains every time you pull it out of the closet.

Your old suit can become a new suit full of hope and potential to another Earthling. Whip it out of your closet, take some photos and make it a STAR on the information superhighway at a place called eBay.

If you do not have much to sell, try selling your underwear. We hear that there are some weird humans out