It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 30 - Do Your Own Laundry

Earthlings, fire your dry cleaning and laundry service during the recession. Surely, your mommy taught you how to wash clothes. We are amazed how many Earthlings do not know how to wash clothes correctly. And the machine does all the work. Earthlings are lazy. Sorry.

Helpful Hints: Wash colors separate from whites. Also, wash colors in cold water so they stay beautiful (especially if they are green like us). Big secret revealed: They actually put washing instructions right on your clothes.

On our travels, we could not help but notice that American Earthlings are 'clean freaks.' You wear your clothes once, then send them to the laundry. We looked into the Earthling legal books and found out that it is not against any laws to wear your jeans more than once before they are washed.

Save water and electricity. When you wash your clothes, do not do small loads. Instead wash large loads so that

UFO Recession Tip 29 - Dare to Go Unplugged

Earthlings, do not be a Didiot. Unplug all things electrical if not in use. You waste money and waste electricity when your enormous American audio/video/VCR/DVD/DVR/gaming system sits plugged into the outlet when not in use.

You can make it easy. Simply plug everything into one power strip. Do not just flip the switch on the power strip OFF when you are finished watching a movie, or playing a game. If you do this, there will still be current drawing to the television for example because of the need for television to be in standby mode, ready to power up. You have to actually unplug the power cord from the outlet.

Yes, this is a small hassle but it will save you money during the recession. Remember, when you are bent over unplugging, you can show off your nice "behind", from all the walking you have been doing, to your mate.

There are probably several "evil machines" wasting your precious money in your home at this very moment.

Most Wanted List and what they drain from you per year if you keep them plugged:*

1.Plasma TV $159.76

2. Desktop Computer $34.21

UFO Recession Tip 28 - Do Your Own Lawn Maintenance

Earthling, you are going to have to get back to doing your own lawn during recession. We do not understand why you do not do them yourself already. Do not look at mowing as a chore. Look at the money you'll save over hiring a lawn service. Look at it as part of your exercise every week. It will make you physically fit and appreciate Mother Nature as well. Get in touch with your own little square of planet Earth.

We estimate that lawn mowing and gardening burns 400 calories per hour, which will make you leaner and fitter, which will enable you to look better and help you attract the opposite sex so you can make more love. Get and even better workout using an old-fangled Push Mower.

Mowing lawn leads to making more love. If you already have a mate, your mate will appreciate you mowing the lawn and most likely reward you for it in bed. I, Zork, have experienced nirvana during love making when Meera has mentioned those dirty words to me: "Thank you for mowing the lawn, honey."

UFO Recession Tip 27 - Earthling, Ride a Vespa and Save Planet Earth

Earthlings around your planet are conveying themselves happily from one point to another on motor bikes and scooters. One country doesn't ride them enough. That is America. American Earthlings prefer to drive enormous, gas-guzzling trucks or what they call SUVs.

It's the Recession, Stupid. If own a car but really do not need it, trade it in for a motorcycle or scooter. Do you truly have a need for a pickup truck? Do you really need a giant SUV, other than to be a road-bully? Motorcycles are fun and cool. We fell in love with motorcycles after we saw Fonzie on television riding one. If you don't know who Fonzie is, then you are not from planet Earth.

We love the Vespa. The Vespa Granturismo 200 (see picture below) is comfortable on our alien behinds. It is not what Fonzie would ride, but we don't care for speed. We care about our comfort and saving money on gasoline.

VESPA is at www.vespausa.com

If you currently own two cars, trade one in for a beautiful Vespa. You will get rid of a car payment, reduce your auto insurance, cost of maintenance, and get a much better gas mileage. This will enable you to ride through the recession with ease.

Earthling women find motorcycles sexy. But do not take her out on the motorcycle for a fancy date when she is