It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 40 - Split a Meal at Restaurants

Split your meal with your sweetie when you eat out. Earthling, you have to stop eating so much. We are amazed at how large the meals are when we go out in the public to eat. To survive the recession, you are going to have to start cutting down on everything. That includes your meals at a restaurant or at home.

We are not asking you to become thin like some of your Hollywood stars. We encourage you to stay at home to save money (See our Couple Tips), but when you dine at a restaurant, please share the meal with your mate.

If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, simply tell the waitperson that you are on a diet and will share a meal. Be sure they don’t bring you an extra plate and charge an extra

UFO Recession Tip 39 - Caller ID: Best Defense Against Collectors

Earthlings, Caller ID is your best friend to surviving a recession. Face it, most likely your bills are starting to stack up if you are reading our UFO recession advice.

If you are worried about losing your job or have lost your job, it is essential you take time now to plan your recession survival. The first thing to do is read our UFO Recession Tip #10. It gives explicit instructions on how to secure your job. If you have been given the pink slip, then read the information below very carefully.

Earthlings, your recession survival starts here. Read our UFO recession tips daily, and tell others. E-mail the Top 10 Recession Tips to everyone you know to get them started (click here). As aliens, we come from a very intelligent planet and have survived multiple recessions (please do not ask our ages). Our alien race finally realized there is no need for the concept of money.

It is a shame Earthlings are still dealing with money issues. We were surprised when we landed on your beautiful planet that you still use money. Before we traveled

UFO Recession Tip 38 - Grow a Beard

Earthlings, stop shaving and save money. Beards are tres chic right now. Drauk and I are quite jealous because we aliens cannot grow beards. The above picture is me with a beard wig - but tell no one.

Beards have recently sprouted on the chins of Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emile Hirsch, Samuel L. Jackson, David Letterman, Chuck Norris (always had one) and Conan O'Brien.

Earthling Men: grow a beard. You can pretend to be fashionable with your beard, but secretly save money during the recession.

Beards are cheaper because:

1. Razorblades are expensive. Our alien calculations tell us American male humans spend $1.70 to $3.50 per blade. If you use one blade per week you are spending between $6.80 and $14.00 per month just on blades.

Human females normally use razorblades twice and spend between $25.50 and $52.50 a month on blades. My wife, Meera does not shave her legs, like all female aliens on our planet.

UFO Recession Tip 37 - Dress In-Style, Shop Target

During recession, fashion takes a new turn. There is no need to be a fashion diva if you are about to get foreclosed on your house.

Earthlings, we have a deep secret to tell you. If you have been the fashion queen or king before the recession, you can continue to be one, without breaking your bank.

The secret to recession fashion is to shop at Target. If your Earthling friends are used to seeing you shop at Neiman Marcus. Nordstrom or Barneys, then you have to plan a little cover up. We are not telling you to lie, but telling a "little green lie" won't hurt you if you cannot afford to lose your fashion image.

If you must buy fashionable clothes during recession, then act as if you are heading toward one of those stores and then at last moment, take a drastic turn toward Target. I know you are worried that your human friends might spot you shopping in the clothing section of Target. Simply wear a mask, or shop at a Target store far from your neighborhood.

Target's designers are very quick at knocking off (copying) designer clothes. We discovered high-priced items in expensive department stores that looked