It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 36 - Trade in Your SUV for MPG

Earthlings, come to your senses. Trade in your SUVs to save money during your recession. Trade your super-sized, gasoline drinking, pollution-distributing SUV for a higher mileage transportation device you call automobile. The price of your black gold, you call oil, is not going to go down anytime soon. Please do not believe anyone who says you are going to see lower prices at the pump.

We understand that there is a heated campaign for who will be you next leader in America. Those politicians are promising energy independence and lower gas prices. This is a great Earthling fantasy.

American earthlings can only achieve energy independence if

1. American politicians get their heads out their Earthling behinds. 

2. Congress makes an all-out, massive scale effort to deploy solar, geothermal, wind, biofuel and hydrogen technologies.

This is so simple an alien can see it. Gas will be over $4 per gallon by summer.

In the meantime, Earthlings, become efficient if you want to get through the recession with easy. There is no shortcut

UFO Recession Tip 35 - Delay Having a Baby

Warning Earthlings. Your planet is over populated. You might think there is plenty of land around you, but what you forget is that every single Earthling needs a certain amount of environment around them to support their Earthly lifestyle.

There are over six billion Earthlings on the planet. Based on our own alien calculations, we think the population growth needs to slow down. Especially during recession.

The quickest way to drain your budget during recession is to have a new Earthling baby. We highly recommend for Earthlings not to plan to have any Earthling babies during recession. The cost of raising a baby right now is high. Unless you are sitting on a huge pile of money, please delay your child planning.

Earthlings, we are not saying you should not have sex. Recession Tip #2 encourages more sex because it is a free, fun and recession-proof form of entertainment. Please, we beg you to do your child planning after the recession. No mistakes are allowed during recession either. Accidental babies are not recommended.

There is no excuse for "Oops, Honey Earthling, I'm pregnant." If you are going to have sex, please make sure you use

UFO Recession Tip 34 - Sleep Naked

Why do Earthlings sleep in clothes every night? Even if your pj's are from Victoria Secret, what is the point? We aliens do not wear clothing to cover our beautiful bodies when on our beautiful home planet.

Save money by sleeping naked. If you are naked or nude, you can keep your temperature on your thermostat higher in the summer. This will enable you to save energy and save money.

We heard through the tabloid press that David Beckham and Victoria Beckham sleep naked. Well, that is good enough for us. If they sleep naked, then everyone else should. 

Sleeping naked is natural for your body as well. But that is not the best reason. Yes, you probably guessed it. Sleeping naked allows you to have more sex with your mate, guaranteed. When we conducted our own studies (these studies were not paid for by Victoria Secret), we found out we had more sex when we slept naked than when we wore our

UFO Recession Tip 33 - Learn to Sew

Earthlings, why buy fashion when you can be fashion? Make your own cool and original clothing. People will not know it is not some schmancy fancy brand, because during recession Earthlings are too busy trying to figure out how to pay their bills.

Your friends will never guess you sewed it yourself. If they ask where you got your cool new outfit, tell them it is some new hot designer from Italy. They will be impressed that you are a fashion guru. Make sure you make up a name you can remember in case they ask you again.

Tips for NEW SEWERS: 

1. Find a used sewing machine. Many humans have sewing machines they never use. Ask if you can borrow to save the most money. If that does not work, purchase a used machine. Check eBay, Craig's List or your local newspaper's classified section.

2. Find an older Earthling, or someone else, who knows how to sew. Ask them to teach you. They will  most likely be happy to share their knowledge. If you must, take a sewing class - check with your local community college or fabric store. If you do not have natural talent for sewing, you might save money in the long run by taking a class, so you do not waste time and money sewing unwearable clothing.