It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 46 - Share Toys

Earthlings need to learn to share toys. We do not understand why toys are fashionable "fad" products like clothing.

Do not let your little Johnny run your life by bugging you to purchase the latest and greatest toy. This is a never ending cycle of money spending.

There is no need to purchase your children any new toys during depression. If they do not like it, tell them to work at McDonald's or mow lawns so they can purchase their own toys.

Simply trade toys with other Earthlings. It's much better than going to places like Wal-Mart to purchase cheap toys made in China embellished with poisonous lead-based paint.

"Money doesn't make Earthlings happy," we hear. Applying that same Earthling logic, we can deduce that new toys don't make Earthling children happy either. So, when

UFO Recession Tip 45 - Less is More

Earthlings, why do humans always want things bigger and bigger? If you are going to survive the recession, you will have to change your mentality to 'less is more.'

Less eating, spending, driving, partying, smoking.

Less of those things means more of other things. More money, time with family, relaxing, reading, enjoying, exercising, playing the banjo, soccer, bird watching, playing with Fido, video games, gardening, volunteering... those things you always wish you had the time to do.

The recession is here. It is the prefect excuse to do the things you really want to do. You even have time for more loving. More kissing, more sex. Sex is recession proof. It doesn't require money, unless you

UFO Recession Tip 44 - Do Not Use Premium Gasoline

You might be a Didiot if you waste your hard-earned money on regular unleaded gasoline.

According to your own Consumer Energy Center, it is a waste of money to use premium over regular gasoline. Gas is very expensive now, so during recession do not even think about premium unleaded, even to impress your date.

There is absolutely no reason to use premium or more expensive grades of gas than recommended by the maker of your vehicle, according to human experts. There is virtually no difference in the MPG you will get with regular or premium gasoline. Both contain 111,4000 BTUs (British Thermal Units) of energy per gallon.

The only difference you will notice is which one drains your bank account quickest. Premium grades cost between 20 cents and 40 cents more.

Thousands of humans have been brain-washed by the gasoline companies' TV commercials to use premium only, or to use premium every three or four times they purchase gas. People are told that the expensive premium gasoline will

UFO Recession Tip 43 - Carpool Etiquette

Earthlings, we have been WATCHING you!

What we see is extremely disturbing. Millions of Earthlings get up every morning and go to work in their gas guzzling SUVs and trucks ALONE. We do not understand why any Earthling needs a truck weighing over 6,000 pounds to transport one body from point A to point B.

We understand Earthlings need bigger vehicles because they have become obese due to lack of exercise and reduced walking, but do you really need a huge SUV or truck? Must you drive alone?

You are carelessly wasting your own money, as well as your planet's natural resources.

Carpool to work. Earthlings, the gas is now over $3 per gallon. The easiest way to survive the recession is to carpool to work if possible. Commutes are actually enjoyable with a friend to talk with, and knowing you are saving money. There are smart, friendly organizations which will help you find a carpool human. Check out erideshare.com and carpoolconnect.com . Contact them now while a good selection of carpool humans are still available. Gas is only going higher.

Carpool when running errands. Share a ride with friends or neighbors to the grocery store, Starbucks (If you must go, please see Tip 32: Drink Coffee at Home), or taking your kids to the soccer game (Please see Tip 22: Play a Low Cost Sport).