It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 56 - Do Your Own Drycleaning and Ironing

Earthlings, we want to inform you of a very serious matter: Meera and I hate to do washing and ironing. We are extremely intelligent aliens but we have not figured out how a shirt fits over the iron board so that we can iron it more effectively.

We looked on the Earthling digital highway and found very little instruction on how to become a great dry cleaner and ironing expert.

We believe this is a conspiracy. We know, even though you do not, that dry cleaning and ironing is an activity controlled by the people "at the top" who wish to control people by forcing everyone to take their clothes to cleaners. The reason is because the cleaning lobbyists have

UFO Recession Tip 54 - 10 Reasons to Stay Monogamous during Recession

Earthlings, we do not understand why you cannot stay together with your mates forever or close to forever.

Meera and I have stayed together now for 1,345 years and 15 hours and 30 seconds. Please do not think we are self-righteous, because this is a second marriage for both of us. We have figured out how to keep our second marriage a success. My first marriage lasted only 475 years, and Meera's lasted only 567 years.

The secret to marriage is to have great communication, fun, laughs, spontaneity and lots of sex.

If you are thinking about splitting up during this terrible economic recession or thinking about having a little fun outside the marriage, stop. We highly recommend not doing so. It might seem like it would be fun and exciting, but if you get caught, you will pay major consequences for your actions - monetary and otherwise. Besides getting caught, we do not believe that it is honest or smart.

10 reasons why you should stay monogamous during recession:

Stay Monogamous Reason #1: Lying and scheduling your little rendezvous will use up too much time and gas. Time is money. And, if you have to meet in special, out of the way places, then you waste unnecessary gas, which will cause you to go further in debt. And you will not be green like us because the more gas you use, the more you use the environment.

UFO Recession Tip 55 - Collect Aluminum Cans for Cash

Earthlings, there is no better way to be green and make money than by collecting aluminum cans.  We are amazed how DIDIOT some humans are by throwing away their cans instead of recycling.

Unless you are from another planet, you have seen the incredible rise in the price of commodities such as oil, gold, iron, steel and our favorite, aluminum.

Earthlings, do not be ashamed to go out and collect cans for money during recession. If you are self-conscious, wear a T-shirt with the name of some environmentally-friendly organization so they think you are working to save the planet. Do not worry. We will not tell anyone that you are really trying to save your Earthling behind by collecting aluminum cans and reselling them.

If you have a family, make a game out of collecting cans. This can be entertainment that makes money rather than costing money. Collecting cans also allows

UFO Recession Tip 53 - Dine on Leftovers

Earthlings, do not throw away your leftovers. As we fly around at night in our saucy saucer, we see many Earthlings throw away left over food after eating dinner. We do not understand this human custom. We have pondered many nights, late into the night, why humans do not take their leftovers and make a meal from them.

When preparing leftovers it is important to give it a good presentation. We observed one Earthling woman, many years of age, who can make a five-star meal from leftovers. However most humans seem to have something inside their brains which does not like to accept leftovers.

Earthlings need to think of leftovers differently. Do you remember when used cars used to be called "Used Cars"? Sales humans got smart and started calling them "Pre-Owned Cars." It made a universe of difference in the way "Used Cars" were perceived in the human brain.

Earthlings, we have a new name for leftovers: Love Food
The Earthling making the food can reheat the Love Food, present it in a nice bowl and make other humans believe it is newly-cooked and that the cook slaved over the stove, cooking