It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 79 - Save Money: Stop Smoking

Earthling, a simple way to survive during the tough economic times is to stop smoking if you are a smoker.

We do not follow the logic of smoking. Do not get us wrong. We are not aliens with our noses in the air acting like we do no wrong, but smoking is a nasty Earthling habit.

Other Earthlings do not smoke. If smoking is so wonderful, why do we not see lions, dogs, cats, birds, horses and skunks smoke?

We tried to smoke a cigarette to experience what humans do and, to put it bluntly, we almost puked. Meera would not kiss me for an entire week. We found out that the only thing smoking is good for is the cigarette manufacturers and cigarette investors.

UFO Recession Tip 77 - Why We Love Pawn Shops

Earthling, do not be frightened of pawn shops. They might be your best friend during recession. At pawn shops you can purchase many kinds of useful things at bargain prices, sell your old junk for fast cash or get a loan against it. Remember, buying used is also green!

Not every pawn shop has a seedy, toothless character waiting behind the counter to take advantage of you. Pawn shop owners and employees are Earthlings too.

Earthling, we arrived without any of your planet's money after we were shot down by Bubba in Stephenville, Texas. So we pawned Meera's huge diamond ring.  We used part of the money to move to Los Angeles because in the city of angels, we thought we could fit in just fine. We were so right.

The other part of the loan from the pawn shop is being used to repair our saucer's Intergalactic Energy Power Booster so we can make it on time to our cousin's wedding. We only have 356 years to get there. It is going to be very close. We have to

UFO Recession Tip 80 - Yoga for Entertainment

Earthling, there is something you can do to be thoroughly entertained for free. This is something you can do at home, work, the park or anywhere you like. You can do it alone, with others, or just to entertain others.

Looking back at our previous entertainment tips (Activities to Enjoy with Your Kids, Read Books for Free, Turn off Lights and Have Fun, Play in the Park for Free, Play a Low Cost Sport, and others), we have suggested many cheap forms of entertainment that do not require cash.

We now introduce yoga to you. Some Earthlings may say that yoga is for sissies (we do not know what 'sissy' means so we will disregard the comment), but try it just once and you will realize why many people swear by it. Actually many people swear about yoga because it is a truly difficult workout. If you try it, you will be yoga hooked.

We have never seen a body get into shape as fast as when doing yoga, except when playing futebol (soccer). It helps your human body have flexibility, strength, balance and relaxation. Can you imagine a better workout? We do not think so. And yoga is a workout you can do to your own level. It can be as challenging as you like.

There are all types of yoga:

Yoga for relaxation, weight loss, morning, and evening
Yoga for beginners, seniors, and pregnancy
Power Yoga
Wii Yoga
Hatha Yoga, named for the 'ha' sound you make
Bikram Yoga, practiced in hot rooms
Ashtanga, Iyengar and many others you can check out at yoga.about.com.

And last and not least....Drauk Yoga, named after my brother-in-law. This yoga is practiced in bedroom dwellings

UFO Recession Tip 78 – Recession-Proof Father’s Day

Earthling, today is a special day. It is Father’s Day. The only problem is that my father, who is more than one million years old, is in a galaxy far, far away. Thanks to Bubba who shot us down in Stephenville, Texas, and damaged our intergalactic energy power booster, this Father’s Day is going to be fatherless for me.

Meera and Zorkey are preparing something special for me for Father’s Day but I warned them not to spend too much money since we need to pay back the loan to the pawn shop owner for Meera’s ring (See Recession Tip 77 - Why We Love Pawn Shops ) and blog our way to having enough cash to fix our intergalactic power booster.

Earthling, Father’s Day is not about giving your father a gift. It is about showing your appreciation to him for being your father. Due to the current economic conditions we have some suggestions.

5 Recession-Proof Tips for Father’s Day:

Tip 1: Do not give your father a greeting card. It is made of paper which was made by killing a beautiful tree? Do not be a Didiot by spending money on gas to drive to the store to buy a paper greeting card. For human’s sake, why not offer to mow your father’s yard for the entire month if he lives close to you? I do not know of any father no matter what galaxy or planet that would not appreciate this.

Tip 2: Why take your father to a fancy restaurant when you can take the entire family to the park and prepare a delicious meal for him there? If you are low on cash, have a baseball cookout. Simply play a game of baseball and eat hot dogs afterwards for lunch. If you do not like baseball but prefer futebol (soccer for American Earthlings), you could still have a hot dog cook out. There is no rule anywhere where you cannot have hot dogs and play futebol.