It's the Recession, Didiot!

UFO Recession Tip 63 - Top 10 Cheap, Sexy Dates

Earthlings, beware! Fancy dinner dates are out during the economic recession. We do not understand why humans spend so much money to go out on dates when the end result is the same every time. Humans are sexual creatures and very predictable. It is all about sex, sex, sex.

Why don't Earthlings simply ask the opposite sex to skip the expensive dinners and dates and head straight for the bedroom? Why all the games? We appreciate a good dinner, but do you really notice if you are on a date? We are baffled by this Earthling behavior and will need to stay longer on planet Earth to understand why Earthlings do not mean what they say and say what they mean. On our planet, asking the opposite sex if they are interested in having a pleasurable sexual experience is the logical and natural thing to do.

As we wait for humans to evolve and become more direct and logical, we offer suggestions on having cheap dates in order for you to survive the recession. We hope these will result in more sex for you.

1. Watch Airplanes Together: We love to fly and it shows. Earthling airplanes are crude compared to our saucy saucer, but they are enjoyable to watch. This is a cheap form of entertainment if the airport is not far from you. If possible, ride your bikes close to the airport, bring your blanket, red wine, grapes and cheese and enjoy the pleasurable experience of seeing these crude machines take off. Do not forget to bring ear plugs if it gets a little loud.

2. Make Dinner Together: Why go to expensive restaurants when you can cook at home and enjoy privacy? Make it more interesting - cook in your underwear for your mate. This will be one sexy dinner. Meera and I tried it while preparing appetizers, and we never made it past that. We headed straight for the fun room. This accomplished two things: we got to the dessert fast without eating an entrée and therefore saved ourselves from gaining weight, and saved the cost of the entrée for that evening. We do not know of any restaurants that provide this kind of opportunity.

UFO Recession Tip 55 - Collect Aluminum Cans for Cash

Earthlings, there is no better way to be green and make money than by collecting aluminum cans.  We are amazed how DIDIOT some humans are by throwing away their cans instead of recycling.

Unless you are from another planet, you have seen the incredible rise in the price of commodities such as oil, gold, iron, steel and our favorite, aluminum.

Earthlings, do not be ashamed to go out and collect cans for money during recession. If you are self-conscious, wear a T-shirt with the name of some environmentally-friendly organization so they think you are working to save the planet. Do not worry. We will not tell anyone that you are really trying to save your Earthling behind by collecting aluminum cans and reselling them.

If you have a family, make a game out of collecting cans. This can be entertainment that makes money rather than costing money. Collecting cans also allows

UFO Recession Tip 42 - Save Money by Making Your Kids Toys

Earthlings, there was a time not far long ago, where your children played with wooden toys. They were happy. They were able to use their imaginations with such simple toys. Especially blocks. We do not understand why this is not the case anymore. What we see today is plastic toys, painted possibly with lead based paint from China.

You can save money and have fun making wooden toys. You could bond with your child by making toys together. These toys will be more special to your child than store-bought toys.

When Drauk was young, thousands of years ago (We live a very long time, otherwise we could not travel through space through long distances), his father made wooden toys for him. That fun experience led Drauk to become a scientist. As a result of being a scientist, Drauk now travels the galaxy. Our visit here, to planet Earth, is a result of his father making

UFO Recession Tip 38 - Grow a Beard

Earthlings, stop shaving and save money. Beards are tres chic right now. Drauk and I are quite jealous because we aliens cannot grow beards. The above picture is me with a beard wig - but tell no one.

Beards have recently sprouted on the chins of Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emile Hirsch, Samuel L. Jackson, David Letterman, Chuck Norris (always had one) and Conan O'Brien.

Earthling Men: grow a beard. You can pretend to be fashionable with your beard, but secretly save money during the recession.

Beards are cheaper because:

1. Razorblades are expensive. Our alien calculations tell us American male humans spend $1.70 to $3.50 per blade. If you use one blade per week you are spending between $6.80 and $14.00 per month just on blades.

Human females normally use razorblades twice and spend between $25.50 and $52.50 a month on blades. My wife, Meera does not shave her legs, like all female aliens on our planet.