It's the Recession, Didiot!

Recession Tip 8 - Cut Up Your Credit Cards

Guido, the credit card collector, is back. If you have more than two credit cards, cut all up but the two with the lowest interest rates. Credit card companies are increasing interest rates even for human customers with good payment history in order to cover the losses of the bad-paying Earthlings.

If you are overloaded with debt during this recession, pick the cards you desire and cut the rest in half. Do not use them. Consolidate your debt if possible - through a bank, NOT through a 'Debt Consolidation' or Credit Repair Company (check with your Better Business Bureau for a long list of

UFO Recession Tip 86: 10X Investment for 2009

Earthlings, stay away from Wall Street this year. Forget about putting your savings into banks which are being bailed out and bought out by your governments across the planet. We have figured out how any human can save money and make the right investment this year.

Yes, you can. Yes, we can. You can make money this year. This is not some Madoff get-rich-scheme. We are not sneaky, slimy, shenanigan, shyster meister financial wizards from Wall Street. We do not even have an MBA. However, if you have already read some of our blogs, you know we have vastly superior intelligence to your species. Please do not hold that against us. We are simply trying to help.

Human, after seeing Earthlings suffer in 2008 due to all the shenaniganisms, we actually want to say “Watts up!”  Help us to help you save you from Didiot Earthlings.

Earthling, the easiest way to make and save money this year is to invest into CFC light bulbs.

UFO Recession Tip 86: Recession is Good for the Environment

Earthlings, since the moment we crashed on your planet we warned you, we told you and some of you listened. The world is in a global recession. Now you finally get it.

A year ago, we were zipping through the solar system. We were on our way to Meera’s cousin’s wedding in another sector of the galaxy, when we decided to show our son Zorkey a close view of the beautiful blue planet Earth. Close it was. We were shot down over Stephenville, Texas by Bubba. Because Bubba damaged our intergalactic power booster, we have become entrepreneur bloggers, trying to earn enough money to fix our damaged saucy saucer.

We observed humans living it up last year. They were living large, spending like there was no tomorrow. We began writing about America and the rest of the planet going into recession. We are an intelligent species, one million times smarter than you, but we cannot understand how governments on this planet did not see it coming. We are not conspiracy theorists but find it odd that nearly one year later, Earthling American government finally admitted that United States and the entire Earth is going deep into recession. What were they hiding?

Human, recession is good for the green movement.

We scratch our heads at the economic theories which drive your economy. Earthlings, we have traveled the galaxy for millions of years, and have observed these economic principles on backward-type planets across the galaxy. The economics on your planet are based on consumption and more consumption.

UFO Recession Tip 77 - Why We Love Pawn Shops

Earthling, do not be frightened of pawn shops. They might be your best friend during recession. At pawn shops you can purchase many kinds of useful things at bargain prices, sell your old junk for fast cash or get a loan against it. Remember, buying used is also green!

Not every pawn shop has a seedy, toothless character waiting behind the counter to take advantage of you. Pawn shop owners and employees are Earthlings too.

Earthling, we arrived without any of your planet's money after we were shot down by Bubba in Stephenville, Texas. So we pawned Meera's huge diamond ring.  We used part of the money to move to Los Angeles because in the city of angels, we thought we could fit in just fine. We were so right.

The other part of the loan from the pawn shop is being used to repair our saucer's Intergalactic Energy Power Booster so we can make it on time to our cousin's wedding. We only have 356 years to get there. It is going to be very close. We have to